In the Thick of it
by Midnight Blackened
Summary: Takes place in ME3. 'Dat' purgatory bar scene and takes off from there. *Update* New Chapters; 6-7-8 are up. R
1. Chapter 1

_*** Updates: New Chapters 6/7/8 are up... and now you can also find me on DeviantArt, user name: midnight-blackened **_

_**...where you'll find some Joker/Shoker fanart.**  
_

_**- Midnight Blackened**_

* * *

"What do you think about me and EDI?"

"You know, with all this interest in EDI, it's possible you've overlooked other options".

"I'd never really considered it, Commander. No offense".

"And now that you're considering it?"

"I've served with you from the day you took command. I'd follow you into hell".

"But not into my quarters".

"Chain of command, Shepard. In an alternate dimension without military ranks, I would rock your world".

"And EDI doesn't wear a uniform".

"Well... yeah. What do you think?"

Initially, she thought she could just brush off the rejection, and continue the conversation with her pilot as if this was just another one of their banters she always enjoyed so much. But as she heard him press the issue with EDI, she suddenly realized her patience had just run out.

Joker was unconcernedly taking a sip of his drink, waiting for her answer when she moved swiftly, stopping just inches of his face.

With an unreadable facial expression, her stern words rang clear;

"Alright! Listen to me, and listen carefully" the tone of her voice sent a startling chill down his spine. As his throat closed, he found it difficult to swallow the liquor he was still holding in his mouth.

"You want to screw a pile of nuts and bolts? That's your business, but don't expect me to stand here, watch you drool over a metal blow up doll, and pretend it doesn't gross the shit out of me."

Without adding a word, she walked away at a fast pace.

Joker was left shaken, staring at the now empty space she filled only two seconds earlier. His mind was blank. By the time he re-engaged his brain and turned around, she was already near the club's exit doors where he saw her bump into Vega coming in.

That was his chance, he thought; _'that's it muscle boy, hold her there.'_

"Hold her there!" he said out loud this time.

He pushed himself away from the bar, in a bid to gain as much momentum as he could to go after her. That's when he saw Vega try to speak to her, but she just lifted her hand at him to cut him off as she walked out of the club.

"Oh shhhi..." he said, halting his limped walk to the door.

Defeated, his head sunk.

_'**Fuck**!'_ he screamed in silence with eyes closed.

He didn't realized he was just standing there for that long, when Vega placed both his hands on his shoulders in a camaraderie gesture.

"Joker! What's up! Wasted already? Need help to get to the ship?"

Joker was grateful that the context provided him with a cover for his strange demeanor, and even weirder chosen place to be found hanging around.

"What? No! I'm fine. I was just..." and he wanted to add something else but the words didn't came. His mind was elsewhere.

Luckily for him, Vega wasn't listening. He was more interested in sharing something that he assumed Joker didn't know;

"Good call Amigo. I wouldn't want to be going back either, not with Lola in a bad mood!

God damned man! She just stormed off. What was that all about?" he shrugged, gave Joker a light pat on the back, and walked to the bar.

_'Yeah, what was that all about?'_ Joker repeated the question in his head looking in the direction he last saw her. The volatile chain of events happened so quickly that he had a hard time processing it all.

His piloting, fast reflexes kicked in and surely enough his mind zeroed in the crucial bit of their conversation; _'it's possible you've overlooked other options?'_ he remembered her ask.

He widened his eyes; _'Shit! Shit'. _His pupils darted around the room, without really focusing on anything; _'She just made a pass at me? And I've said... whaat?'_

He knew alright.

"Fucking asshole!" he turned around on his sturdier leg, with the half-hearted intention of returning to his drink left at the bar.

That's when he spotted her. EDI; sat alone, innocently at her table. If only for a few moments he completely forgot about her.

With her shiny, curvy frame in his vision, he subconsciously waited for his now habitual pervy thoughts about her to come flooding his mind.

It was an automatic thing he indulged in every time he saw her. Only this time the words: _'nuts and bolts'_ hit him like a sucker punch instead.

That's when he saw it.

He saw her, but he mostly saw himself, and more precisely; he saw the way he thought of her.

Suddenly he felt sick, he wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but he knew all too well that wasn't the reason his stomach churned.

"I gotta get out of here." he muttered and headed for the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

Sheppard was walking at a furious pace, dodging passers by as she advanced. Marching on decisively as if she had a place to urgently get to, only she didn't.

She never once noticed the people acknowledging her with a nod, or the occasional formal salute. She was too immersed in her thoughts and angry. Everything else was a blur.

_'Why am I even angry?'_ she genuinely asked herself once her mind slowed down enough to reassess the situation. Frustrated when the answers weren't forthcoming, she finally came to halt looking around exasperated. She was at the far end of the Presidium Commons, near the C-Sec outpost.

_'When did I get this far? This isn't even on the same level as Aria's bar'_ she asked incredulous. She couldn't remember taking the elevator.

Her team mate and friend, Liara, was resting her arms on the railings in front of her. Abandoning her deep contemplations for a moment the Asari spotted Shepard standing not too far from her.

Noticing Shepard looked a bit disconcerted Liara approached her, placed an affectionate hand on her back and asked; "Shepard, is everything alright?"

"Not now Liara. Go away" she almost punched the Asari in the face with her words, shook the hand off her shoulder brusquely and walked to a nearby bench where she sat.

"As you wish." Liara said as composed as she could manage, trying to hide her shock but her tone betrayed her. Without anything else to say, she walked away.

Shepard observed her as she left; _'You icky little stalker'_ she thought, feeling too ticked off to censor herself.

_'Is it anybody that'll I meet today, that isn't a complete creep?'_ she took a hand to her face to pinch her nose in irritation. _'Ok, what is bothering me so much?'_

With eyes closed, she reached inside herself. She scanned around the big mess of feelings, people, situations, memories... She found a loose thread, something that unsettled her and tugged at it. A string of repressed feelings come out...

_'Why is it so hard for me to catch a break? Why can I just once; get a little of I want?'_ she paused briefly, before allowing the rest of her feelings to come out; _'Is that so selfish? The Human Race middle name is, or at least should be: selfish, and yet I'm hold up against these impossible standards... of what? Why? Is it because I'm an idealized hero, or is it because this hero also happens to be a woman?_

_Why is it that everybody come to me with their problems, and I just jump to the opportunity to help them in any way I can, but what the hell do __**I**__ get when __**I**__ need something, uh?'_

_'Could that be it?'_ she wondered somewhat unconvinced.

No, it couldn't be! It just didn't sit right to her. She released an irritated sigh.

That's when she realized this was gonna take a lot longer that she originally anticipated. She was gonna have to think harder and dig much deeper to figure this one out.

So! There she was again at the center of some epic quest, only this time it really was the galaxy at stake not just some disappearing colonists, or a rouge specter on the loose trying to take over the citadel. Planets were being destroyed. People everywhere were being massacred by the millions.

She remembered Earth and the havoc the Reapers unleashed there. There haven't been anytime to stick around, or even just stay up and fight. She was shooting some husks and before she knew it, she was jumping on the Normandy reinstated on the job by Anderson and sent to seek for help.

Her thoughts softened as she thought of him.

He was the only one in the Alliance that always believed in her, stood by her through thick and thin. He supported her from the very beginning, placed his faith on her. He was the father figure she never had, nor ever occurred to her she needed. She realized that a lot of what she's done in the past, or what she was doing even now was in great part because of him.

She didn't want to disappoint him. He was very special to her.

Aah, but spirits help her... as much as she loved that man it wasn't motivation enough to carry on going. To do what it needed to be done.

She was in need of a symbol, that would summon that supernatural force, that would give her the strength to stare at the 7th circle of Hades itself and without hesitation pull the pin on her last grenade as she'd charge defiantly unfazed to very the center of oblivion itself.

As that mental image sank in her mind, she let out a deep sigh leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. With her head hanging, she stared at the floor.

She could feel her unyielding commitment to the cause weakening, slipping away.

She needed something to fight for, something that inspired her, something to go back to when the battling was over. Something that was hers. Something that made her feel at a personal, private level that everything she was doing was all worth it.

As she relaxed her shoulders, some of her tension started to ease.

Draping an arm over the back rest of the bench, she gazed in the distance at the citadel traffic. Her mind drifted to the 6 months she spent under arrest back on Earth.

_'Ha! So much for the first human specter, hero of the Citadel'_ she thought with a hint of self-deprecation, mocking herself; _'For sorting out our little problem with the Collectors here's our thank you note; a nice all expenses paid at hotel brig'_ a sad smile crept up her lips.

She didn't like the loneliness she experienced there, she remembered frowning.

_'It wasn't all that bad'_ she tried to cheer herself up. The food was good. Anderson came by to talk to her whenever he could to kept her updated. Hackett visited her a couple of times, that was nice. As for her crew? She heard they've all moved on, only Kasumi and Thane were a bit of a mystery as their whereabouts.

Joker was reinstated as an Alliance pilot, Kaidan was going from strength to strength on his career, Grunt went to join his new found clan in Tunchanka, Jacob and Miranda were most likely back with Cerberus, Mordin returned to STG, Jack became an instructor to hopeful biotic teenagers.

She couldn't believe her ears the first time she heard Jack had become a teacher. She was so happy for her, and in way proud too.

And then there was the one that occupied most of her thoughts; Garrus. That beautiful, blue eyed...

..._'fool!'_ she interrupted herself shaking her head. He went back to Palaven and that was that. What else was she expecting anyhow? There was nothing between them.

Her mind drifted to that day back at the Main Battery...

...when she propositioned him.

He acted a little shocked but interested at first. But then later on when they spoke again, he became all weird and dubitative. That made her lose her temper with him and she told him to forget the whole thing. That's was it.

That last memory brought her mind back to the present.

That time when she called the bluff on Vega; _'No wonder he keeps losing credits at his card games, his non existing poker face has to be the worse'_ she smiled to herself. His tale between the legs reaction was well worth the rejection, as for Joker. Well... that didn't amused her at all!

What was it with her, and the men she wanted that didn't want her back? The few times she stopped to look around, to check what was on offer, all she saw were either: women or asari; _'Same difference!'_ she thought rolling her eyes.

There was only Kaidan flying the flag for the team she was interested in. But he was _'just a fling'_ - she soon reminded herself. She had needs, he was happy to oblige and she just went for it. There was nothing else to it. The night the spent together was nice. Better than nice, but it didn't...

...rock  
...her  
...world.

That last thought stopped her cold.

Damn him! Why did he have to say that? If he wasn't attracted to her, that was perfectly fine with her. She was getting awfully used to that kind of a response from men after all. But why he had to bring up the AI, right in middle of something that deserved a little bit more attention on his part. At least he could had pretended for her benefit.

_'EDI? __Seriously__?'_ she asked dumbfounded. Despite her recently acquired humanoid form, with man-made feminine assets she couldn't see her as anything else but a robot. _'A ship's appliance'_ she thought; _'That was harsh!'_

Was Legion just a robot too? In many ways, yes!

As much as she wanted to do the right thing for the newly emerged, pseudo-sentient synthetic life forms and as much as she sympathized with the Geth's reasons for fighting much more than she did with the Quarians, the words; _'Bed - made - lay'_ crossed her mind. But when it came down to it: to her, he was still a robot with am inexplicable fetish for N7 armor.

Her armor of all things! _'Argggh'_ she screamed in her head; _'so that's the problem then?'_ she tossed the thought aside being damn sure that wasn't it.

_'So what is it? Miss; fear-of-nothing-blow'em-sky-high-galactic-heroine, uh?'_ she asked herself; _'too scared to admit it?'_

Annoyed with the question, she shifted on her seat but never the less, she paused to consider it.

_'Scared? Never! God damned uncomfortable with it all? Specially now. Hell yes!.'_

She narrowed her eyes in concentration, trying to remember when - this latest mess of hers - started.

She had a dream about him. It happened in the new Normandy, back when they were chasing the Collectors...

They were in some kind of shallow swimming pool. The water was warm, the sun was shinning, blue skies above them not a soul in sight. Just them two.

Floating lazily in the water, she closed her eyes for a few relaxing seconds. When she opened them back up to look in his direction, the place where she last saw him sitting at the edge of the pool with his feet playing in the water... He was gone. She searched around trying to spot him but couldn't find him.

It was at that moment that he emerged, right beside her and he just simply kissed her. The water was still running down his face. It all felt so real she could taste it. When the kiss deepened, she couldn't have enough of it. The feelings it produced were so intense that woke her up.

After that, she just couldn't look at Joker in the same way as before. She was still infatuated with Garrus at the time, yes! But that didn't stop her from wondering, when she spoke to Joker if he was as good a kisser as the Joker in her dream.

What would he had said if she just asked him? She suspected he would had laughed it off, or would even perhaps brag about his skills. But what if she put him on the spot and asked him for a demonstration to settle the matter?

What was an innocent, tiny little kiss between friends? She took her fingertips to her lips as she pondered on the hypothetical situation. _'It would had been soooo good'_ she whispered to herself.

Gods, she was daydreaming now.


	3. Chapter 3

Joker was back on the Normandy, sitting at the lounge on the crew deck.

Conveniently for him there were few people on board. Most had decided to spend some time at the Citadel, and he just wanted some quiet moments on his own to clear his mind.

He couldn't believe he managed to avert both; first throwing up, and then the chaperone bot on the way over.

_'Oh! spoke too soon.'_ he thought. EDI was entering the room.

"Jeff. You left the club. I thought the arrangement was for me to escort you while off the ship, make sure that.."

He interrupted her mid sentence; "I knew my way around the Citadel way before you were even online. I don't need to be nannied around, thanks very much."

"I'm aware of that, Jeff. I thought you also enjoyed the company."

He didn't like the sound of that, it made him slightly uncomfortable and light headed again.

"Yeah about that, look EDI, I need some time on my own right now." his words came out sharper than he meant.

"Acknowledged" she answered with a vacant expression and left the room.

The thought; _'Jeez! Shepard was right'_ crossed his mind, as he stared at the door startled. He felt bad for talking to her like that. But after her reaction, or lack thereof, he wondered if he even had to be; feeling bad that is.

_'She is a machine, a piece of software, an advanced - very clever piece of software - but nothing but a thing in the end, an it, not a she.'_ he thought perplexed as if the notion never occurred to him. Not until now.

_'What the hell was I thinking?'_ he covered his eyes with both hands; _'You know damn well what you were thinking, you ladies man, '_ he mocked himself; _' you libidinous, smut-obsessed, single-minded perv.'_ he slid his palms down his face.

_'When did I become so desperate? So pathetic?'_

_'And now we can add that I gross Shepard out to the list. Excellent job there dickhead. They should give out medals to jackasses that work so dedicatedly hard at setting the bar as low as it can possibly go.' _His hands finished slipping off his face and dropped to his thighs.

He loved the special rapport she had with him and to his knowledge; only him. How she would often allow him to get away with, what outsiders might had perceived as mild insubordination. He certainly wasn't enjoying to be on the receiving end so many others before him, had the misfortune to find themselves in.  
_  
'Fuck me! what now?'_ he asked with his sight fixed on a distant point out the window. _'Should I go and open that can of worms?'_ he shook his head rejecting the idea.

_'What I am supposed to say? Hey Commander, if it makes you feel any better I used to like; soooo totally drool over you. But yeah, then EDI got a new bod, and you know I'm a sucker for upgrades, right?'_ he imagined what her answer would be; _'Phew. What a relief! For a second there, I thought you only liked pretend-women. Glad we cleared that up.'_

He knew that even in the privacy of his thoughts, he was avoiding the issue. That's why now he was distracting himself, thinking about the banter he sometimes had with the members of the crew.

He spend a few of the following minutes reminiscing some of their conversations, but out of the blue he pictured himself jumping in and saying; _'No, I got one better folks. So Shepard comes to this bar, she hits on me, and I turn her down for a talking toaster with tits'_ and he'd finished air drumming; _'pah-rum-pum - tshhh!'_.

He imagined the guys responses; _'No way dude! Lame joke man!'_ and he would answer; _'Nope. True story. Take pictures! Because is not everyday you come across a guy that turns down real skin for hard, cold alloys.'_

His attempt at diverting himself, obviously wasn't working.

For some mystifying reason, he had the nagging feeling the ball was in his court and the honest truth was that he didn't know what to do with it.

He thought that maybe he should level with her and quit acting like an infantile ass. To just go ahead, and tell her that **yes**; he considered it and **no**; he didn't overlooked a damn thing. He just wasn't prepared for what she said to him.

He was slightly tipsy, mind transfixed in thoughts he ought not to be having, specially not while Shepard was trying to have a conversation with him. He was on auto-pilot. He just gave her the answers he would give to himself when the issue came up; _'chain of command, superior commanding officer, goofy pilot, blah freaking blah'_ he rolled his eyes.

_'Chain of command?'_ he asked himself rhetorically.

_'What chain of command? There are Rippers everywhere, we're building this machine that no one knows what the fuck it'll do, that's IF it'll do anything at all. We could be burnt to a fine crisp on the way to our next non-__priority_ mission, and all I'm concerned about is not jeopardizing my career, by breaking Alliance's rules on fraternization?' he paused in disbelief at the thought he just managed to form on his head.

_'What a fucking wuss'_ he pushed himself up from the seat.

"EDI!"

"Yes Jeff"

"Can you get a lock on the commander and inform me of her current position?"

"Certainly!" light taps and beeps came by the intercom.

"Commander Shepard is onboard the elevator destined for the docking bay D24"

"Thanks EDI" he was already inside the Normandy's elevator on his way to meet her.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard was standing at the center of the lift, hands locked behind her back, with her mind focused on the soft humming sound it made. After the time spent collecting her thoughts, she was feeling much calmer now, albeit a little blue.

A hint of exasperation still lingered; _'What is this curse with these elevators? Why are they so slow?'_ she protested inwardly, more out of habit than actual impatience to reach her destination.

In contrast to Shepard's lack of impetus, Joker was hurrying up the ship's catwalk as fast as his infirm legs could take him. A little short-breathed, he subsequently arrived at the airlock. As the door whooshed open, he was half expecting to find her standing at the other side, but she wasn't.

He stepped out searching for her and soon spotted her walking through the Security Checkpoint. Invaded by a sudden pang of panic, he anxiously looked around;_ 'Do I stand here, do I sit?'_

Glancing ahead of her, Shepard's sight homed in on Joker as he was taking a seat on a bench near the gate. For a fleeting second the urge to turn around in the opposite direction, tempted her.

Without deviating from her originally set course, she melancholily sighed; _'what now?'_ continuing ahead.

Joker looked up and noticed her eyes were on him. His pulse quickened as he felt his tension building up a notch, but Shepard's tranquil semblance buoyed his poise, if only a bit.

She closed the remaining distance between them, then stopped just a couple of feet off him crossing her arms.

"Is that how far EDI allows you to go out on your own?" she said with a smirk.

"Oh come on Shepard, I'm a big boy now. I can go all the way to that corner over there" he pointed using his finger; "and I don't even need to ask for permission or anything. Aah emancipation..." he said putting his hands behind his head, stretching his legs; " feels nice!" he finished with his signature playful tone.

He couldn't believe he just treated her like nothing happened. _'At least she doesn't look mad anymore'_ he thought slightly relieved. Then he saw her shaking her head with a smile.

She started to make her way back to the ship. Leaving him no time gather courage he just got up and grabbed her arm; "No Sheppard, please." was all he could mutter to get her attention.

She blinked at him intrigued.

"Bearing in mind that I might, _juuust_ might run my mouth off before this is over, because you know " he rolled his eyes; " that's what I do! I'll make this quick."

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath; "I'm sorry." he said, in a lowered voice pitch.

He opened his eyes and saw her looking back at him, her eyes darting from random spot to random spot on his face. '_Is she mad? What's going on?'_ he wondered; _'Shit! Did I just piss her off again?'_

Shepard found herself scrutinizing his boyish yet handsome features.

With the cockpit being always so dark, she hardly ever had the chance to see him under bright lights. She was just seizing this rare opportunity to admire his green eyes, his short beard, the little frown lines in between his eyebrows; _'Oh jesus that's right! He's apologizing!'_ she snapped herself out of her gaze and feigned a cough to clear her throat.

"You don't have to apologize, Joker. If anything, maybe I should be the one apologizing to you. I've snapped at you, I've stormed out, I've made an inappropriate move on you..." she paused before quickly adding; " can't blame a girl for trying though." she shrugged philosophically.

Sensing the situation might get a little awkward, she added with a stiff yet sincere smile;

"Nice chatting with you!"

Then she attempted to make a dignified exit.

Joker realized that she didn't fully grasp what he tried to convey, he looked up in slight irritation and blurted out;

"I didn't mean it!"

She turned around, mostly because she didn't hear him.

Recognizing Shepard's quizzical look Joker repeated it; "I didn't mean it."

"Mean? Wait, what?"

He genuinely took her by surprise; "Which part?" she asked suspiciously.

He decided that the less he spoke, the less of a chance there was for him to screw this one up. Crossing his arms he remained silent and waited for the penny to drop.

"You were just pulling my leg here? So you're not sorry!" she announced with a hand gesture; "**Fine**! I told you, you shouldn't be. But this joke is a little cruel, don't you think? Even for you."

_'Even for me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?'_ he resented.

"Shepard, no! For gods sake " he spitted out; " you're one of the smartest people I know, and you have to go all dense on me? Now?" - _'Great! I just insulted her'_ he thought but pressed on; "Back in the club, I wasn't being entirely honest." he untucked his arms and paced a little to collect his words before continuing;

"I was a bit drunk, it took me a few seconds to realize what you were saying and by the time that I did, I've already told you that; '_I never really considered it'_" he air quoted himself.

"That part " he paused briefly for emphasis; " right there! Not true. That was what the apology was about."

Shepard considered his words for a few seconds, then tilted her head in the direction to the bench inviting him to take a seat as she sat down. He followed.

They sat in silence. Both mirroring each other in their postures; arms crossed and staring directly in front of them. Each one immersed in the thoughts of what just happened. Joker spoke first;

"So, we're good?"

"Oh yes." she said right up.

After a few extra moments of contemplation, just as he was starting to relax, she added;

"There's a question I was meaning to ask you."

His heart started to pump hard on his chest. He dreaded what that question might be. He just managed to fix what he did earlier, everything was good and he didn't want anything to ruin it, but at the same time; curiosity taunted him.

As tempting as it was to tease her and say; _No!_ He obliged; "Fire at will commander!" he said lightheartedly to mask his apprehension.

She turned on her seat to face him, uncrossing her arms but crossing her legs. Tucked one hand between her thighs, placed her other arm flat on the back rest and laid her right temple on her fist.

He returned the gesture by turning his head sideways, staring at her intrigued.

She studied his face narrowing her eyes, as if looking for the right moment, or the right way to ask her question.

_'Never considered it!'_ he thought; _'look at her!.' _His palms tingled. Butterflies started to gather in his stomach. His eyes furtively traveled her uniform clad figure.

"Are you a good kisser?" she asked him.

As he heard the question, his breathing ceased and his muscles froze. The only thing that seemed to still work were his eyelids, that were bilking in astonishment.

A few seconds have passed and she was still waiting for an answer. She dropped the arm that was holding her head and leaned slightly towards him to inspect his eyes, as though checking for life signs.

"Cat got your tongue?" she asked nonchalantly.

After getting no reply, she let out a short incredulous chuckle and added; "I never thought I'd see the day..."

She couldn't finish her sentence with Joker's lips on hers. _'How did he move so fast?'_ she thought, taken aback.

He remained still for a moment or maybe two, just pressing his mouth on hers. Then he slowly started to kiss her. Gently massaging his lips against hers while evoking the girls in his life that confided to him how soft, tender kisses melted them.

He went through their pointers in his head and put them into action. He wanted to make an impression, do his best. He didn't want to scare her by being overeager or slobber all over her like a Basset hound.

He broke the kiss when he started to feel that his gentlemanly manners were about to fly out of the window.

"So?" he asked expectantly.

"That was..." she hesitated briefly, but continued satisfied that she's found the right word;

"Cute!" she asserted matter-of-factly.

He did one, exaggerated single blink at her.

"Sweet. No really " she saw him shaking his head, while attempting to get up; "Where are you going? Joker come on!"

He wasn't really paying attention to her pacifying efforts.

"You did not call my kiss cute!" he said as he got up.

Slightly unsteady on his footing, resting his weight on his good leg he reached down for her hands. She guessed his intention and got on her feet.

At that moment, she thought that was her cue to start walking back to the ship, and that's what she started to do. But before she could react, Joker pulled her to him, both of his hands grabbed firmly the sides of her head and landed an open mouth kiss on her lips. All in one sweep move.

To Shepard it felt like a grenade just went off.

Now he kissed her the way he always wanted to do it. Raw and with no reservations. Inhibitions gone. Onlookers be damned.

As electric waves traveled through her, she let her hands run up his back, then trailed his arms. She was mapping his shape in her mind. A shape that felt a lot firmer than she imagined it would be. His beard prickled her skin lightly as he explored her mouth with his tongue.

It was all so intoxicating; his warm breath, his smell, the sweet taste of him, but above all; the passion he was giving her.

Lost in a sexy world of sensations of his own, Joker suddenly felt his uniform was getting awfully tight. He pulled away softening the pressure on his hands. His eyes traveled to her alluring parted lips, the sight made him lick, then bite his lower lip.

"Soooo good..." she said huskily. Mostly to herself.

Still dazzled by the feelings washing over her. She took a deep breath and lazily asked him; "Why did you stop?"

Joker gave her a crooked smile, suggestively slid his hands down her back, grabbed her hips and turned his head towards the Passenger Lounge. He pressed his bulging erection against her as he said;

"Unless you wanna give these good people the X rated version of our previous show, which is totally OK with me by the way, maybe you should consider a different location, commander."

Amused, Shepard took a look around them. With Joker still rubbing against her it was hard to concentrate, or pay particular attention to her recon task. But after a quick scan, she didn't notice anyone watching them.

Her eyes returned to him with a wicked smile on her face. She glided her hands down his back and grabbed his ass as she shrugged;

"They don't seem to mind."

"Your call!" he said and he slammed her against the docking gate doors. Pressing his body against hers, he reached down to kiss her neck.

She was so ridiculously turned on, among many things by his boldness, but sadly she couldn't allow this to continue. As much as she hated to concede, she struck the holo-lock with her fist.

He heard the familiar bleeping sound and without letting go, he straighten himself up holding her so she didn't fall down when the doors slid open.

She took a step back, grabbed his hand and pulled him to follow her. Turning her head over her shoulder she told him as she walked;

"Yeah... I bet you're good at poker too, uh!"


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as they turned the corner just off the airlock, Shepard still trailed closely by Joker, collides with Garrus walking in the opposite direction.

"Shepard! Good! I was looking for you" he said.

Joker felt her hand quickly slipping off his grasp, as she hurriedly tucked hers behind her back, straightening herself up to face Garrus. Her body language screamed of someone that has been caught raiding the cookie jar.

Joker crossed his arms, shaking his head in amusement at the odd scene in front of him.

Her voice came out more business-like than she intended; "Yes Garrus?"

"T'soni asked me to fetch you. She said it's regarding some intel from a contact within Asari High Command."

Shepard let out a sigh and with a hint of exasperation asked; "Can this wait?"

"It sounded like it was urgent."

"Right!" she said; "I'll go see her now."

Garrus promptly added; "There's something else she mentioned..." he said giving Joker a quick glance before his eyes returned to Shepard.

Joker understood the unspoken message and took a couple of steps back to give them some privacy.

Lowering his voice, Garrus leaned closer to Shepard as he said; "I want you to know that if there's something bothering you and need someone to talk to; I'm here."

It was at that moment that Shepard remembered the outburst she had with Liara;

"Oh that! Yeah well... I suppose I'll talk to her about it, if I must. But it's really not important, certainly nothing you should be worrying yourself with. But I appreciate your concern." she said with a soft touch to his arm; "I'll be on my way now. Thanks Garrus!" she turned around to give Joker a short nod before walking away.

As she walked past Garrus, Joker saw him taking a deep breath followed by a frown. Next thing he knew is that he had a pair of icy blues fixed on him. Garrus tilted his head to one side, with what Joker guessed was a puzzled expression.

Turian heightened senses were legendary. Joker presumed Garrus could smell him on her. He saw no need to hide it nor explain himself. After a short shrug, he just casually said; "Yeah... later Garrus" and turned around heading for his seat in the cockpit.

As he was flicking over the controls, checking on some stats, his mind kept flashing back to the events that just transpired between him as his commander.

He tried not to focus on that, but he couldn't help to feel as elated as he did. He pondered on how something as simple as a kiss can change a guy from feeling like the lowest worm in the known universe, to a drug-like high. All in a matter of a few fleeting minutes.

His mind drifted to her smell, her taste, to this side of her he just flavored. This hot-blooded woman responding to his ministrations was every bit of the Shepard that lived until now, only in his most daring fantasies. His body started to react to the images of what could had happened next, haven't they been intercepted by Garrus. As his imagination started to run wild he heard EDI's voice, that has been sat at her co-pilot station all along;

"Your most recent metabolic readings tell me that you're currently under much less stress than in our last encounter. I believe it's safe to assume, that a conversation with the commander helped to resolve what it was conflicting you." she turned around to face him, before continuing;

"Sometimes I wonder, if my intelligent programming will ever be capable of learning some of the subtleties humans take for granted; such as the protocols for comforting."

The overlapping of his aroused state and EDI's presence wasn't something he judged appropriate at that moment; "This is not gonna work..." he said under his breath hanging his head.

After a deep inhalation he added with as soft of a tone as he could manage; "Listen Edi, we can talk later. We will, I promise but now, I really need to go"

With a short nod of acknowledgment she responded; "Certainly Jeff".

* * *

Shepard was making her way through the conference room, leaving the war-room behind after being briefed by Liara, Anderson and Hackett.

A beep on her omni-tool caught her attention. She slowed down her pace to check on the incoming message, but continued ahead. Disappointed that it wasn't from Joker, she opened Alenko's missive:

- When you have a moment. I'd like to speak with you - Kaidan - it read.

_'I'm afraid that'll have to wait'_ she thought, turning off her omni-tool while heading for the cockpit.

Once there, she noticed Joker's familiar cap silhouette, that usually pocked out of the pilot chair; wasn't there.

EDI greeted her instead; "Shepard."

"EDI" was her cordial reply of acknowledgement.

"May I have a word with you, Commander?" she said as she got up of her seat.

"Sure!" Shepard answered.

"I've noticed a change in Jeff's behavior since we visited the Purgatory. Perhaps our relationship has reached an impasse. I am wondering if you could offer me some advice on how would be best to proceed."

She considered the situation for a few seconds, and given the recent turn of events she intuited her next words would require a fair degree of attentiveness. She concluded that the straight, honest route was always the best choice for this type of circumstances;

"I'm pretty sure I'm the last person you'd want to discuss that with. My recommendation would be to take it up with him."

"Acknowledged."

Shepard was grateful EDI didn't ask her to elaborate on the _'last person'_ part of her answer.

"Also EDI... there's something I was meaning to mention."

"By all means Shepard." she said, straightening herself up.

"Let me start by saying, that I'm the first one to admit that I'm not the strictest Alliance commander you'd come across." she let out a short laugh as she continued; "Spirits know I broke my a good share of regulations, yet I still prefer to maintain a modest level of professionalism on my ship. As someone that aspires to be considered a member of the crew, you might want to think about picking up a uniform."

"My apologies Shepard. I wasn't aware my form upset you."

"Upset is not the word I would chose to describe it EDI, but let's just say that it's probably not entirely appropriate." she said tactfully.

"I'll make the necessary arrangements right away."

"Thank you EDI." she answered with a smile, then walked out.

Shepard made her way towards the elevator.

She questioned whether perhaps she's just been a little too mean to the AI. She concluded that she was gonna bring the issue to EDI regardless of whatever happened - or didn't - between her and Joker.

As the elevator made its slow way up to her cabin, she wondered if she'd have the pleasant surprise of finding an expectant Joker once the doors opened. The images of their short, but intense encounter flooded her as blood rushed up her cheeks.

She hadn't had the time to think about what just happened between them. The briefing with Laira acted as a very effective cold shower, but to her surprise, her feelings and her mood were exactly where she left them before bumping into Garrus.

Wrapped in an uncharacteristic of her, day-dream state, she stepped out of the elevator.

Garrus was leaning against the wall near her quarters' door.

She closed the distance and engaged the holo-lock.

"Something is on your mind?" she asked as the door open.

She took a couple of steps inside the room and signaled him to come in. She continued her way to the coffee table where she reached for a bottle of wine; "I had a rather strange day today Garrus, so if you don't mind... I'll be having a drink. Should I pour you one?" she asked hovering the bottle opening over an empty glass.

"As appealing as that sounds, I'd better not. Thanks Shepard."


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry to keep you waiting. It's been hard to find the time to get this chapter down and properly finish it. It was fun to write (for a change) so I hope it'd be fun for you to read. Enjoy ;-) R&R.**

**-Midnight Blackened.**

* * *

Joker entered the cockpit with a muffin in his hand, picking at the top of it and putting the tiny bits in his mouth, savoring each piece.

He dropped on the pilot's chair, while his eyes automatically scanned through the readings on the panels.

"Welcome back Jeff."

"Yeah, I just grabbed something to eat. Just a sandwich nothing special. But check it out! Dr. Chakwas gave me this chocolate muffin. Do you know how rare these are?" he said enthusiastically as he carried on stuffing his face.

"It turns out; Engineer Adams gave her a box of muffins he bought at the Citadel. I don't know if she realizes how expensive they are _[munch]_ or " he continued in between bites; " Adams' _[munch]_ intentions for that matter!"

He reached the gooey center filled with dark chocolate sauce. He closed his eyes in delight. "Hmmmm..." he mumbled turning his head to look at her and his eyes widened;

"**Whoa!**" he exclaimed in surprise.

As a giggle started to form in his throat, he tried to disguise it by licking the traces of sauce off his fingers;

"What!?": was all he could say.

"You'll have to elaborate in your query." EDI retorted calmly while sporting a new standard Alliance uniform. The problem was, that it seemed a couple of sizes too big.

He was lost for words, only managed to sit there looking at her half amused, half shocked. He deposited the muffin on the console and did a hand gesture from top to bottom at EDI. Still unable to find the words, a short giggle escaped him as the same single word was all it came out: "What!?"

EDI looked down on herself whilst trying to deduce Joker's strange reaction.

"I assume you're pointing at my new uniform. It was Shepard's suggestion. She said this will assist in my integration with the crew."

He inhaled as the understanding of where this was coming from hit him.

"Shepard's suggestion, uh?" he said circumspectly.

"I believe she's correct Jeff. Studies have shown that people tend to bond with members of the same group by identifying themselves as peers. Wearing the same clothing, seems to facilitate this process."

Shaking his head he asked mischievously; "Did she hand pick it for you too?"

"No she did not. I was helped by Specialist Traynor. This was the only one we could locate that could be fasted up. Unfortunately, all uniforms on the ship are custom fitted to each member of the crew. Finding one that appropriately fits me; wasn't entirely successful."

"You can say that again." he said, mostly to himself.

"No! EDI, it's fine! You look..." he paused to search for the right word; " smart! It will take some time to get used to... but on the other hand that might not be such a bad idea after all." he finished philosophically.

EDI spun her chair around to face him and said; "There was something else Shepard recommended."

_'Oh dear'_ he though. Apprehensive, but intrigued he asked with a cautious; "Yeees?"

"I asked her for advice in our relationship..."

_'Dear lord, no! Not __that__!' _he thought as he closed his eyes tightly. He rubbed his forehead bracing himself.

EDI continued; "Judging by your response, I can assume you would prefer I don't discuss our courtship "

_'Whoa!'_ he screamed in his head at the last word.

" with the Commander. Relax! Jeff!"

A sigh of relief escaped him. He opened one eye to look at her as he asked; "Don't tell me! That was a joke, right?"

"No joke Jeff, I did attempt to get her opinion but instead of offering me her assessment, she advised me to speak directly to you."

When Joker heard that, his jaw opened in slight awe at how Shepard handled the prickly situation. She always did the right thing, why this would had been any different?

_'Wow'_ he said in his head, he could almost pictured the scene; _'That woman is amazing and to think that I got so close to throw it all away'_

He cracked the vertebrae of his neck with a quick rotation of his head, and took a deep a breath to help him focus on the discussion in progress.

"Yeah... about that. Look EDI, I promised you that we would talk. And let's see if I can be serious for a change."

He paused for a moment to consider his choice of words. He looked away unfocusing his vision at the same time he squeezed his lower lip, seeking to steer his train of thought in the right direction.

"I've never been good at this, so I'll just fire up."

"Of course Jeff."

"I know that you've been trying to get closer to me. No!" he said interrupting himself; "That's no fair!" he exclaimed, as his tone was becoming more agitated; "Because the truth is that I did nothing but lead you on with seedy innuendos " he scratched his forehead nervously; " like that silly comment about '_morale'_" he rolled his eyes.

"Listen! I know I'm guilty of all that and for that I'm sorry. No! Again, you see? That's not entirely accurate, because the fact is that I feel embarrassed. I acted like a stupid kid that hasn't seen a beautiful girl outside the posters in his room. Pathetic behavior for a man in his 30's!" he said angry at himself.

"None of this is your fault. It's mine. I was being unbelievably childish and worse than that: selfish! The truth is that all I cared is that someone with your..." he did a hand gesture at her; " appearance, paid attention to me." he finished his sentence looking away.

"I don't understand how my new platform could change your perception on the amount of attention I give you, that according to my memory banks; was always a constant." she paused briefly as she run some subroutines.

"The records show a significantly higher number of interactions with you than with any other member of the crew, in both conditions: post and prior the acquisition of Dr. Core's body."

"...aaaand there it is..." he looked back at her; "Because you're new to socializing, you didn't catch the underlying message in my least sentence. The important part was that; **I** was flattered that an attractive woman showed interest in me."

"You see? There's a lot that you don't know and I've always been happy, I still am, to explain it to you but the thing is; that **I **" he placed a palm on his chest; " should know better. That's why the blame sits squarely on my shoulders. Besides..." he said pinching his nose.

"Things have changed."

"May I ask what's the nature of this variant?" EDI asked.

"Yeah..." he stopped himself before continuing; "No, actually. I don't feel I'm at liberty to spread that around, no."

"Understood." she said accompanied by a nod.

"But I can tell you this " he said leaning forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees; "I think it'd be best if we go back to the type of _'thing'_ we had going on before. I miss that..." he said with a softer tone.

"Don't get me wrong! I'm glad that you have this new form that allows you to experience things in a more direct manner but in a bizarre, crazy person, type of way it feels like I've lost a friend."

He unfocused his eyes on a corner of the room remembering the old days, when EDI was an innocent blue orb.

He snapped himself out of the sappy moment and added; "Anyway! What do you say?"

"I'll always consider myself your friend, Jeff"

"Thank you EDI, I appreciate this." he said softly. Then clapped his hands once and announced;

"Great! And now we can go back to our favorite pastimes..." he turned his chair around, grabbed his muffin, and continued to eat and speak; "Like spying on people."

"That's your favorite leisure activity, Jeff. I would prefer it if you refrain from infringing on people's privacy."

"Yes mom!"

He was only half joking though, the truth was that he was dying to know where Shepard was and what she was up to.

He knew the more he stayed at the cockpit, the more chance there was for curiosity to end up getting the best of him. Then he could wind up doing something that he would probably regret later.

Resolute, he got up off his chair after deciding that finding out the old fashion way, was at the very least; the most decent one.

"Laters, EDI." he said walking away.

* * *

Shepard dived in her glass, swallowed the liquid in one go and poured herself another one as she observed Garrus walking towards the fish tank.

He seemed to be inspecting its contents but other than that, he remained silent. The bluish light of tank framed his imposing physique.

With her fingers hugging her glass she caught herself studying him. His narrow hips in stark contrast to his wide back. His long legs. His overall predatory appearance. He was certainly a sight to behold.

Lost in world that could only be described as female gazing, she hardly noticed that he hasn't spoke. Suddenly aware, and intrigued by his silence she asked;

"What's with the mystery Garrus?" it was at that point that she discovered that an empty stomach can indeed, accelerate the effects of alcohol.

Turning only half-way to face her he responded;

"Look Shepard, I don't even know what I'm doing here." he said looking at her in the eye briefly, then dropping his stare at a point on the floor right by Shepard's feet.

Shepard's mind scanned through their last conversation.

"If this is the Liara thing. I told you;" she was trying her best not to slur her words, but failing;" it's not important. And believe me!" she widened her eyes; "It really isn't."

"It's not that!" he said almost cutting her off.

He was ready to charge and lay down what was in his mind. But the steam of his impetus was choked by the peculiar tinge he noticed on her voice.

Letting out a short laugh, he mocked her; "I thought you could hold your liquor better than that!"

"Hey!" she said playfully defensive; "I haven't ate!" she announced with a finger up in the air.

"Yeah, well... As much as your current state might actually make things easier for me, I better leave and wait for a better time." he said courteously and walked towards the door.

"Don't tell me!" she yelled; "Calibrations. Right?" she asked deviously with a raised eyebrow.

"I hope you don't take this wrongly; but I'm a little tired of that joke" he said over his shoulder, in a somber tone that she didn't catch.

"Get your Turian ass over here!" she shouted assertively, in obvious parody of her commander self.

"And finish what you've started Officer Vakarian! Dear jeez, it's always a waiting game with you, isn't it?" she rolled her eyes in her head.

He stopped and turned around. His eyes landed on the bottle resting on the coffee table.

"On second thoughts... is that wine dextro compatible?"

"Yup. Karin gave it to me. She said I might need it some day... then she giggled and left giving me sly looks" the wine was chipping away at her inhibitions.

"No idea what she meant by all that..." she shrugged.

He sat on her couch and grabbed the bottle to read the label.

"Karin?" he asked her, baffled.

"Yeah, Karin. I mean; Doctor Karin. No! Chakwas Karin."

A soft laugh formed in his throat; "I've heard about this one. Never tried it myself, but! They say it's lethal; packs one hell of a kick, drinks like fruit juice."

He gentlemanly topped Shepard's glass before pouring himself one. He took a quick sip before saying;

"You and the Doctor, uh!? Close?"

She leaned forward; "Yup" raising two crossed fingers at him; "Like this!" she dropped back on her seat.

"We even have an annual heavy drinking session. Where we talk; reminisce, pass out, and wake up remembering next to nothing!"

The hilarity of that statement caused her to laugh heartily.

Garrus observed her as the alcohol started to ease his tension and loosen his tongue. Feeling more relaxed he began speaking, using his softer tone of voice. The one he always used with her when he had something to share;

"Spirits Shepard, I'll be honest with you. What Liara told me, which admittedly wasn't much, was later confirmed by Vega. It's unquestionable that something was bothering you, but seeing you like this now... Let's just say that I'm glad you're feeling better now, even if a small part of me ain't too happy about the implications of what might had caused it." he confessed hermetically.

He finished his glass and promptly filled it up again.

Shepard's laugh eased up. She looked at him narrowing her eyes; "Sorry, what was that?"

"I'm not an idiot Shepard! I know that in all likelihood I blew up my chances with you long ago, but I guess... I guess a part of me still wonders what could had happened."

A long pause ensured, just at the time when Joker was stepping out of the elevator.

He walked to the door and was about to press the intercom, when he heard Shepard's voice right before his finger reached the button.

"And you waited this long to bring it up?" she asked incredulous watching Garrus neck his second glass in one go, getting up and walking to the center of the room.

A bitter short laugh escaped his mouth, as he looked up the ceiling.

"**Yes**! And scratch what I just said. Maybe I am an idiot!"

_'She's busy'_ Joker thought; _'I should come back later'_. He knew that was the right thing to do, yet his feet refused cooperate. The worse part was that he caught himself straining his hearing, to better make out the words being spoken at the other side of the door.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you've boarded this ship days ago, so plenty of time you had there..." she said recounting the time line.

"Hell! It wouldn't had hurt to come and visit me while I was on house arrest. Is not as if I was going anywhere..." sarcasm dripping off her every word.

"Yeah... I guess I deserve that" he said. Irritated, he dropped his head.

Looking back up at her he continued; "But what did you want me to do? Just show up and say: Hey, remember that thing you told me to forget, well! Funny story..; I didn't!"

She got up of the couch, stirred by the stormy feelings incited by his words;

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that Garrus, but I'll gladly take you up on that question. Here's a tip for ya: anything but asking me; if _'I'm really sure about this'_ would had helped!"

She lifted her hands up in the air; "I just figured **you** were the one that wasn't sure. So I relieved you of your burden. But it's all real funny... considering that you seem to have little, to no trouble when it comes to _'easing tensions'_ for the hell of it."

Joker couldn't make out most the words, but her last sentence rang clear enough. It wasn't so much what she said but how she said it that unsettled him.

Garrus launched towards her stopping abruptly a mere feet away.

She didn't flinch and held his fiery stare.

_'Do these two have a history?' _Joker asked himself and in that one moment his heart sunk. _'I used to worry about that boy scout Alenko, but now Garrus?' _an exasperated groan reverberated in his throat.

He felt the blood rushing up to his head tainting everything red. Questions began to spontaneously fire in his mind like an out of control, unmanned machine gun: _'Did she invite him to her quarters or did he just show up? What is he doing here? What does he want with her? What the fuck is all this?.'_

Overpowered by the emotions that were brewing inside him, he impulsively pressed the holo-lock without thinking.

The door opened but the arguing pair didn't hear it.

"So! Is that what you want Shepard? Someone to rough you up a bit?" he snapped at her. Garrus though he'll get a punch for that last one, instead she didn't even answer him. She just stared straight in his eyes defiantly, with a devilish smirk on her lips.

_'Does she know she's playing with fire?'_ he thought, as he inched slowly closer to her. Lured by her provocative countenance. The tension between them was filling the room. He took a deep breath in a bid to regain some control over himself, only to get a hint of Joker's scent that still lingered on her.

"You still smell of him" he whispered clenching his jaw.

A loud bang on the far wall startled them both.

Shepard's hand instinctively reached for her side arm, too drunk to realize she left it at her bedside table.

"Am I interrupting anything?" The words were said sarcastically, but carried an unveiled hue of anger.

The familiar sound of Joker's voice shook Shepard out of her spell.

Garrus turned around to face him, unperturbed by his presence.

She crossed her arms and tilted her head as she allowed the combined effect of the alcohol and the sight of him to inundate her mind. That's when she noticed his stern expression. _'Wait! Am I in trouble? Why am I in trouble?'_ she frowned.

Joker walked straight to Garrus without taking his eyes off him.

"Yeah she does Garrus. She smells of me and do you care to tell me what the shit is it to you?" he said getting on his face.

Shepard couldn't believe her eyes. She knew Joker had a hot headed side to him, but going toe to toe with a Turian? Besides Grunt or Wrex, she couldn't think of anybody that would purposely poke at bear Garrus with a stick without risking a serious injury.

_'Has he gone mad?'_ she asked herself. But boy... did she like what she was seeing.

Her womanly basic instincts were involuntarily tingling, her eyes were transfixed on Joker. In her altered state she tried to remember why it was supposed to be wrong to be enjoying this.

Garrus looked down on Joker, that was looking at him back holding his challenging glare as his own hackles started to rise, wanting to be mad at him, at her, at something, anything!

It was no use. He knew all too well, he couldn't be angry at anyone but himself. He swiftly turned his head away with eyes closed in chagrin.

"Nothing Joker!" hearing the sting on his tone he made the conscious effort to soften it up; "Really. This... This is all my fault. I'm sure Shepard would explain."

"Oh no! Don't you drag me into this testosterone contest..." she said leaning over the coffee table to pour herself another drink.

"Besides, I don't have the..." she waved a hand over her hips " equipment." she stated, then collapsed backwards on the couch spilling some of the wine on her top.

"Jeez!" she said brushing herself.

The two men were observing her spell bound. There she was, the unflappable renegade with impeccable principles in all her humanity. That now, was engaged in a small personal battle with a cushion to get herself more comfortable.

Joker and Garrus looked at each other in mutual realization of what they both saw in her.

After taking a quick sip of her drink she added; "But don't let me stop you. If it comes to blows, I'm sure I can find some jell-o to throw at you two." she said stretching her legs on the table;

"And you know!" she winked at them; "Take pictures!"

Amused, Joker shook his head with arms akimbo.

"Not sure what Jell-O is..." Garrus said, playing it as though her statement was lost in translation; "but it sounds messy and this armor ain't easy to clean."

Shepard and Joker burst out laughing and with that, the last vestiges of animosity were kicked out the room.

Garrus took advantage of the opportunity that she's been momentarily distracted, to friendlily nudge Joker's shoulder with his own and murmured in his ear;

"Don't - fuck it up" his tone carried both; a sense of advice and a warning. Turning to Shepard he soon added;

"Shepard" with a nod. She answered in kind and he walked away giving Joker one last glance.

Joker waited until he left, then stayed a for few seconds staring at the closed door, contemplating on what Garrus just told him.

"What brings you up here? ...or is it that you're back on spying on people?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, commander" he said, choosing the individual chair opposite to Shepard to sit down.

Intrigued by what she's been drinking that had her in such a state, he reached for the wine bottle.

"I should had known! Karin, right?" he said.

"Yup" she affirmed.

"She loves the stuff. Every time I find one of these laying around empty at the med-bay, I know I won't be able to wake her up, for like; a day."

He placed the bottle back on the table and after a deep breath he said;

"Should I just go ahead and ask you? Or should we sit here quietly and enjoy the uncomfortable silence?"

"Ask me what?" she asked him casually, battering her eyelids while sipping her drink.

"Garrus?" he asked, only half teasing, narrowing his eyes at her.

She let out a short laugh making some of the liquid to gargle in her throat, as she rushed herself to answer him;

"Like you're in a position to judge anyone! At least he has a pulse and I'm pretty sure I won't find a _'Made in Palaven'_ stamp on his ass!"

"First of all!" he exclaimed, lifting a finger; "Ouch!" he grabbed his left breast plate to emphasize the word. He quickly returned to his relaxed position then continued;

"And second; you didn't let me finish. It's just that I didn't have you pegged as the alien, kinky type. I thought you were more: dark rugged marine, follows you around like a sick puppy, yes ma'am" he saluted; "... you know, that type."

She gave him a fake dirty look.

"Was that supposed to be a secret?" he said feigning surprise.

"Christ Shepard! I don't think there was a single person on that ship that didn't notice; the cute little smiles," he charaded the words; " the sneaky brushes, the wandering eyes... that's for him! As for you!" he paused for effect as if he was about to lay it down on her.

"Well..." he pinched his nose; "you didn't give that much away to be honest, so I'll have to hand you that one."

She was listening mesmerized by all his little traits that never failed to charm her. She could had stayed listening to him all night but her own mischief got the best of her;

"Never knew my love life was such an interest to you." she said suggestively. Blatantly putting him on the spot.

He shifted uncomfortably on his seat briefly. Then as a realization hit him; he crossed his arms, getting more serious he shrugged;

"Might as well owe to that one. After the cat got out of that bag " he pointed to one side with his head; "and my tongue got stuck in your mouth..." a pleasuring shiver run up Shepard's spine.

"Is there any reason for me to pretend disinterest?"

"That's some good point" she said, staring at him in the eyes. Feeling her pulse quickening.

Her eyes traveled him lustily as blood started to pooled on her groin;

"It's really my bad, for making you stand offish. I guess, I was just picking at the cracks on your sarcastic wall " her eyes returned to his; " or maybe... I was just trying to figure out the quickest route into your pants." she shrugged and took a another sip of her drink.

His pupils dilated. Desire spread through his veins like lightning;

"Damn!" he said, accentuating the word with a short nod of his head; "Do you know how hot that is?" he rhetorically asked with a playful tone in his voice.

Shepard's attention suddenly zeroed in on the stray hairs at the edge of his beard, specially those delightfully curling over his Adam's apple. To her, they looked like a promise to those other hairs that remained annoyingly concealed. Her mouth watered at the thought of playing with them.

"It's a good thing then that my pants, and its contents are more than happy to oblige..." he said cheekily, narrowing his eyes and sticking the tip of his tongue out the corner of his mouth.

"Is that so?" she played along.

"I could present you with hard, irrefutable evidence faster that you can say 'zip'" he leaned forward separating his legs whilst resting his elbows on his knees.

He clasped his hands together, then added; "But that would be vulgar. Besides, between you and me " he waved his index fingers back and forth; " it's always been more about what is not being said than the... explicit." he finished resting his lips on his stretched indexes.

She smiled at the picture he just put in her head. Getting herself comfortable, with one arm over the back rest she told him; "It's practically foreplay "

"Uh-huh" he mumbled raising his eyebrows. His whole expression beamed agreement.

She continued; " speaking as someone that never cared much for foreplay, I can safely say; **much** better than foreplay."

"Good to know. Straight to business, uh!? I rate that." he nodded; "And by the way, I was wrong earlier... now - that's hot!" he asserted.

Her previous lovers flashed briefly through her memory making her roll her eyes;

"All that rubbing, and the licking, and the prodding, and the squeezing, and the sliding..." her eyes grew larger with each verb.

He hung by her every word. Grinning from ear to ear. He never heard her say things like that, it was all so deliciously... _'Hot!' _he repeated in his head.

"You ought to have some sliding though." he said, jokingly disagreeing with her.

"I guess." she sighed; "But if _some_ people must have all those bedroom gymnastics to get themselves going: **Wow**!" her eyes widened; "Maybe they ought to be doing something else! I don't know; take on fishing, or knitting... You know?" she asked him.

"Fishing, knitting, got it!" he repeated to confirm that he was paying attention, then quickly adding; "So not what's in my mind right now!" he said shaking his head.

"Please, share!" she nudged him.

"Oh baby, you drive me so wild that I'm just sat here trying figure out how to get you from there," he pointed his finger in her direction; " to there " pointed away at the bed; " minus clothes. And that's it!" he did a negatory gesture with both hands.

"That's as far as I've got." he said nodding, still with a grin.

"Show me!" she challenged him lifting her chin at him.

"Like fuck I won't!" he blurted out, as he sprung off the seat like a released racing greyhound.

Witnessing his outburst of energy, Shepard thought;_ 'He's quite agile when he wants to'_

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. Then guided her to the bed where he pushed her, making her fall on her back.

With a pleased smile on her lips, and now aided by her newly acquired horizontal position, she worked to take off her boots. He followed suit.

Once free from them, his hands went straight to the waist of her pants and pulled them down. She helped by kicking the off. There was no time to admire the view, the urgency was too great. He took off his and joined her in bed.

He climbed her with his knees to both sides of her waist, then he pulled her further up the center of the mattress, sliding her between his legs.

Shepard lifted her head to look down on him.

Black, skin-tight boxers did absolutely nothing to hide his perfectly contoured hard-on. She dropped her head back, eyes closed, biting her lip in anticipation.

Joker threw his cap across the room. Kneeling on the bed he raised up to take off his top. Intrigued by the strange bouncing, Shepard opened her eyes.

Her pupils dilated at the sight of him towering over her. Toned thighs spread apart to each side of her hips, washboard midriff peaking under a slightly lifted white undergarment, muscles flexing as he was laboring to slip his uniform-top over his head.

She knew she should had been using this window of time to rid herself of her own top, but she just couldn't take her eyes off him.

He finally freed his head and looked down at her. Amused to find she was still dressed from the waist up.

"Enjoying the show?" he said with a smile, looking to the side of the bed for a place to throw his top.

"Hell yes! After being exposed to all those gross Asari strippers in the field, this is what a girl needs..." she drove her hands up his thighs and thrust her pelvis at him.

Unfazed by her dry humping; "Tips go right here" he said, pulling the waist of his boxers.

The elastic snapped back with a crisp 'smack' provoking an honest smile on her.

"If I knew you'd like this, I would had done it ages ago." he told her tilting his head at her.

She let out a short laugh; "Ha! Like hell you would had."

"Oh yeah!" he nodded; "You'd just go: Joker" he clicked his fingers; "Strip!"

He thrust his hips forward as he said; "and wham!"

She started to laugh.

He leaned slowly closer to her saying; "Oh yeah"- "Joker strip!" he repeated it, to make her laugh again as his mouth covered hers. It was a secret turn-on of his; to make her laugh, and this time, he could finally get to act on it.

The chuckles eased off to give way to the passion that was about to consume them both. Their tongues met and with a couple of soft, tentative strokes they were full on revisiting their last kiss at the Docking Bay. Flashes of it, fresh in their memory, heightened every sensation, pulling them deeper into the sensuous yearn of the moment.

He moved his leg and placed it between hers. Then he trailed one hand down her side and slid it under her shorts. It immediately soaked.

"Baby" he whispered in her mouth, shivering at the thought that she's been so ready for him all this time sending his own want right off the chart.

Unable to wait a second longer, she hooked her thumbs in the waist of his boxers and pulled them down, freeing his cock.

He quickly took his hand off her shorts, brought it to his mouth and licked it before moving it back down again to pull her shorts. She wiggled to aid him.

He guided himself to her entrance.

She felt his round tip making its agonizingly slow way into her. She decided to take matters into her own hands, quite literally. She dug her nails through his vest and trailed them down to cap his ass. Once there, she grabbed him and push him all the way. His dick twitched inside of her; "Fuck me" he moaned, more as an expression.

She knew it, but humored him anyway; "I'm working on it" she said as she gyrated her hips against him.

He smiled at her; "I've noticed" he told her, matching her rhythm with his body.

To Shepard it felt as if he knew exactly where, and how hard to rub his pubic bone against her throbbing clit. There was no 'in and out', pumping like a maniac type of business with him. Just various degrees of pressure and slight, gracious movements. Not too slow, not too fast, nudging her over the edge so rapidly... Making her lose herself in a realm of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

"Sweet lord, Joker!" she barely managed to whisper; "Where did you learn that?"

He understood it was rhetorical and just continued what he was doing, encouraged by the knowledge that it was having the desired effect.

The closer she got to her release, she felt some minor adjustments were in order. She grabbed his small, and oh-so exquisitely firm ass once again and guided his movements to a new pace.

He was more than happy to indulge her, pleasing her was its own turn-on. Twice, he almost spilled himself. _'She cums first'_ he repeated in his mind to stop himself. Stopping, while still going, was a tough balancing act, but to his own surprise; he somehow managed.

Shepard felt it coming, it was unavoidable, inevitable.

The right pressure, the perfect rhythm, the right cock, the right owner of said cock. Laying on her, pleasuring her like no one ever did, nor perhaps could. The first ripple of her orgasm hit her and there was nothing she could had done about it.

Then the second, and the next.

She didn't moan, she didn't scream. She didn't want anything to interfere with that precious single moment she's been craving for so long.

Joker knew immediately what was going on the instant she stopped moving. A second later he felt his dick being squeezed, clasped, milked. _'That's it baby, right there, let it flow'_ he said to himself, rubbing on her sultrily to intensify her experience. His own movements were pushing him to the verge.

She turned her head to the side, spent, biting her lip, smiling, happy.

The thought; _'I've made that'_ run across Joker's mind making him soar, proud and so happy that he could cry. A couple of deep, potent thrusts, followed by a few more finished him off.

Shepard looked up at him. She read the expression on his face of utter delight; _'gods, that's the most beautiful thing I ever saw'_ she thought and kissed him.

His tongue met hers yearning intimacy.

As the last wave of his climax passed, he broke the kiss to let out the breath he's been holding. Blowing softly on her lips.

He slowly opened his eyes, and saw Shepard looking back at him with a gorgeous, open smile gracing her face.

She took her hands to each side of his face and said; "Welcome back." her simile grew wider.

He smiled back at her. Then run the back of his index finger softly across her cheek and rolled on his back to the side of her.

Chest moving up and down.

He placed his forearm on his forehead. Eyes staring at the glass ceiling, mind fixed on what just happened.

"That was so! " he widened his eyes, turned his head to look at her; " fucking amazing." he finished his sentence slightly out of breath.

She turned to her side and rested her head on her hand; "Not your style babe" she tapped the tip of his nose once, then continued; "That; was hot!"

"Hot as hell!" he agreed with short successive nods.

"Right there mister!" she pointed at him; " that's the guy I like."

As if it was even physically possible at that stage of things; he blushed.

Touched by his response, she reached out to him to caress his beard. He turned his head and kissed her fingers.

After a moment or two, Shepard look down on themselves and said;

"So, that's a mess!" alluding at the aftermath of their encounter.

"Shower?" she suggested.

"Nah!" he said, leading them both to the head of the bed; "Messy is good" he finished plunging his head on the pillow.

"It's filthy!" she protested, somewhat unconvinced.

"That's what's good about it" he cuddled her; "Besides, it's your mess. I'm wearing this bad boy! You can take a shower if you want." he told her kissing the top of her head.

She raised up and took off her top.

To Joker's disappointment it revealed a similar undergarment to his, that she left on.

She returned to his arms; "I rather stay; right..." she answered smelling his chest; " here, " then draped a leg over his; " but don't complain if I smear it all over you."

"You can smear me all you want! It takes a lot more than a bit of moist to gross me out. So, no boobies tonight?"

"No boobies."

"Oh! Come on! A peak!"

"No"

"A quick one, over the neck of the shirt"

"Nope"

"Side boob?"

"Behave!"

Their banter continued until the sound of their own voices soothed them both, into the best, deepest, most satisfying sleep neither of them had in a long, long time.


	7. Chapter 7

Joker was at his post, running some diagnostics, pretending to look busy at his job even though his actual thoughts were most definitely elsewhere.

Why did he leave? He didn't even know. It was getting late, he did try to wake her up a few times but to no avail and as well as he knew her, he realized that predicting Shepard's reaction to their rather conspicuous absence wasn't as easy as he estimated it would be.

The longer they both went missing, the more chance people would start talking. He didn't care, but he didn't know if she would. He decided to err on the side of caution and left. But not before leaving her an opened message on her personal terminal.

He went through the facts on his head. Seeking to convince himself that he's done the right thing, even though his body was telling him the exact opposite.

His fingers tapped the flashing panels, sliding elegantly over the interface like he's done it a thousand times. He didn't even have to think about the task, he just let muscle memory take over. His digits did all the work, allowing his mind to focus on the real important things like; reliving the previous night.

Bits of their conversation provoked silent chuckles on him and flashes of the steamiest sex he ever had, rendered him decisively horny.

It was a familiar state for him to be in. Goodness know how many times he felt that way while sitting on that very chair. Certainly more times than he cared to admit. But this time, he was hot and bothered by something that actually happened with the woman he never dared delude himself he'll get a shot at.

Unmistakable steps echoed behind him, alerting him that the very object of his desire was advancing towards the cockpit.

He would normally wait for her to speak to him first, but this occasion certainly wasn't like all the previous ones. He turned his chair around to make eye contact with her. His undivided attention was on her body language.

He was searching for clues of how she'd handle the morning after. So focused on that he was, that he didn't note she wasn't wearing her habitual uniform, just a pair of informal pants and an N7 leather jacket.

She stopped by the cockpit's door frame with her hands tucked behind her back.

"EDI; do me a favor and see if you can give Engineer Adams a hand with the engines." she said using her business tone.

A sense of anxiety invaded Joker, his heart started to pump hard in his chest and his head sunk involuntarily.

"I can assure you Commander, that I can still assist Adams via my main..."

Shepard raised her hand at her to cut her off.

"It wasn't a suggestion EDI. Just go." she said politely, but firmly.

"Yes, Commander."

As EDI was leaving the room, Shepard noticed her new uniform. It was only fair she'd mention it to her;

"And EDI" she waited for her to turn around; "Thanks for following up on my request. You're looking sharp. Well done."

EDI nodded; "Thanks, Commander." and left.

She turned her eyes to Joker crossing her arms;

"May I ask you what made you run away like that Flight Lieutenant?"

He cringed at the sound of her addressing him by his rank. He slowly lifted his sight at her. He noticed she looked rather defensive.

"Do I snore?" she shrugged without changing her serious face; "Or... is it that you're still hung up on Alliance's rules?"

"Shepard no!" he stopped himself to switch the brisk tone he just used, to his signature brighter one;

"That was like; the lamest excuse ever, by the way. I thought we've covered that" he said lightheartedly to hide his tension.

Drying his palms on his pants he continued;

"It was getting late... that wine had you out for the count, I told that would happen " he waved a finger at her; " and you know how nosy the crew can be. Two senior officers go missing and they'll start all kinds of crazy rumors..." he tilted his head to one side; "They would be bang on money on this case for a change... but the point is I wasn't sure how you wanted to play it. As for me - before you ask; what guy wouldn't want to advertise he's been buffed you?"

Convinced by his reasons, she let out a chuckle caused by his last remark.

"Buffed?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, well and good!" he told her with a frown to stress how serious he was; "I take it you didn't read the message I left on your terminal."

She looked at him puzzled.

"Big, bold fonts, so you wouldn't miss it?"

"What did it say?"

"Pretty much what I'm telling you now." he shrugged.

"It's a good thing I didn't read it then, I think I prefer the live version." she said teasingly.

After satisfactorily clearing up the minor misunderstanding, she then proceeded to the next move she had planned for him, if everything went well...

"You know? I was thinking about something you said last night while I was in the shower..."

"Playing with yourself, I hope" he said, moving his eyebrows up and down cheekily.

She frowned shaking her head; "Why would I do that? If now, I got you to do that for me?"

He grinned at her answer; "That's an excellent point, but I wasn't there. So! You were in the shower " he recounted, doing a rotation with his hand; "playing with yourself " he insisted; " thinking about something I've said...and..."

"And I thought of dropping you a present before I carry on with the rest of the day."

He didn't respond, instead he just looked at her intrigued. Half hoping she had in mind the same thing he had.

She closed the cockpit door, locking it at the same time she gradually unzipped her jacket revealing she was wearing nothing underneath.

He bit his lower lip as he observed her walk slowly towards him.

She enjoyed Joker's coveting expression as she closed the distance between them. An expression she was getting better at recognizing.

With a complacent smile, she climbed on his chair and hovered over his lap without making contact, with her chest just a few inches away of his lips.

She opened her jacked.

Without skipping a beat, he nudged his cap off his head and buried his face on the inviting skin in front of him. His dick pressed hard against the fabric of his pants.

She gently hugged his head caressing his short hair while his mouth, teeth, and tongue busy themselves on her.

He trailed his hands inside the jacket and up her naked back to press her closer to him briefly. Then he moved them down again to her hips, where he grabbed her and made her sit on him.

Shepard had to repress a moan when she felt his tempting erection against her inner thigh.

His tongue contoured the bottom curve of her beast leaving a trail of moist on its wake. He switched to use just his lips, to caress the delicate skin of her round bosom. Never touching the nipple. It was his way of teasing her but that didn't stop him from pressing her down on him, rubbing her on his lap.

Shepard let him play with her for a few more moments, then softly moved away from him saying; "I thought you'd like it."

She took something out of her pocket and hooked it on his collar.

"You can keep the wrapping paper." she said as she dismounted him.

She looked down on his parted, puffed up lips. She couldn't help to trace her own with the tip of her tongue, at the same time that she zipped her jacket back up.

"And now you owe me. I've showed you mine, you'll have to show me yours" she said walking backwards and unlocking the door; "But later. Now I have to go and see Kaidan."

A tinge of jealousy crept up on him, but he'll be damned if he'd let it show; "I thought you've said it was a present! That, foxy lady; it's called bait and switch!"

"So I tricked you; to secure you'll show me your goodies..." she winked at him; "You can always say _'no'_" she added.

He snorted; "Yeah, like that's gonna happen!"

After watching her disappear around the corner, he tried to shift his hardened dick to a less painful position, then look down on his chest.

He grabbed the white piece of fabric she hung on his collar to inspect it. It was the vest she was wearing the night before. He took the intimate item to his nose; _'It smells exactly like her'_ he silently moaned turning his chair around.

* * *

Shepard met with Kaidan right outside the Normandy.

After a short and slightly tense chat regarding the episode with the Councilors, when she pulled a gun on him. He came around and offered to work with her if she'll have him.

Shepard jumped at the opportunity; "Couldn't imagine meeting the Reapers without you."

Her words were followed by a friendly handshake closing the deal.

She then added; "I might have an assignment for you right away though... You think you're up for it?"

"Sure Shepard. I'm ready."

"I received a call from the Quarians, they seem to be in a bit of a jam, but that's not what I want you to deal with. I need you to take the Normandy and pick up Tali. I'll be honest with you Kaidan... the truth is that I don't wanna find myself in need of a tech expert for our next mission and be forced to deal with the damn AI."

He looked at her dubitative; "I don't know Shepard, their leadership might want to discuss classified details and I wouldn't know how to handle that! I'm not a diplomat..."

She cut him off; "You're a Spectre. Anything they have to say to me, they can say it to you. You've been in this line of business long enough to know how it's done." she placed an affectionate hand on his shoulder.

"I have faith in you Kaidan, now it's time for you to give yourself a break and do the same. And besides..." she retrieved her hand and shrugged.

"It's not as hard as it looks. You'll just have to nod a lot, agree with whatever they say, just don't make any promises. Take Garrus with you, he'll help you out if you get bogged down. You'll be fine. Just make sure Tali comes back with you, that's your priority " she said, starting to walk away; "I'll deal with the politics once you guys are back." she said over her shoulder.

Kaidan went after her; "Shepard! No! I can't leave you port side by yourself without back up. Out of the question. Specially not after the crisis we've just had here. Cerberus might come back..."

"Kaidan, I'll be fine. Do I need to remind you that I can take care of myself?"

She looked up, searching for the words to convince him; "Look; C-Sec has the situation under control. It's highly unlikely they'll strike so soon after getting their asses handed to them. They won't risk it, not with the Citadel on High Alert and... if I know anything about Vega, chances are; he's still at his betting hole loosing credits. So I'm not alone."

"I have a few loose ends to tie up here at the Citadel, been kicking that can down the road long enough. I'll get this out of the way while you help me out with the Quarians. It'll save us time. Now go!" she spun around and walked away only to stop again after a few strides.

"Speaking of cans... I thought I'd warn you. Brace yourself for the unshackled AI prancing around the ship" she lifted a finger at him; "If I hear one more comment about its tin rack, I swear to god Kaidan..." she shook her head.

Kaidan watched her walk away, puffing and cussing words he couldn't make out.

He let out a chuckle; "What was that?" he said bemused.

"Oh, now I gotta see this thing!" he said to himself walking to the Normandy.

He made his way straight into the cockpit and sat on the co-pilot's chair.

Joker abandoned his console to look at him, but Kaidan spoke before Joker had a chance to greet him;

"I just had the oddest conversation with the Commander" he said, still trying to figure out what happened; "I'm back with the team by the way."

"Good to have you back Kaidan! Conversation you said?" he slept the question in there, trying to sound aloof.

"Thanks, I'll tell you in a sec. Right now, the boss want us to go and meet the Quarians. So: set course helmsman!" he waved his hand in the direction of Joker's console.

Joker didn't like the sound of that; "Without her? Worse; leave her port side on her own? No way I'm moving this ship..."

Kaidan cut him off; "Fine, call her yourself if you don't trust me."

"Damn right I will." he snapped back, while entering her intercom frequency on the display.

"She might just read you the riot act though... She did with me."

Joker's finger stopped right before hitting 'connect'.

"She didn't, really." Kaidan giggled; "She's a sweet woman."

Joker glanced at him sideways.

"But she really want us to go. The quicker we get there, the sooner we can come back to pick her up."

Joker was stuck between not wanting to leave her by herself and getting the order directly from her. The problem was; that last option had the potential of making her feel patronized by him. The last thing he needed was yet, another misunderstanding between them.

The prospect of returning as soon as possible seemed like the lesser of two evils. It tipped the balance, setting Joker into action. He changed into his pilot persona gliding his hands across the controls.

"Aye-aye Major! And you better hold on to something, because I'm about to do the dirtiest undocking on record."

"Citadel Con Tower - Normandy here - Over" he said over his earpiece while powering up the engines.

He looked at Kaidan and said; "Inform the crew, Kaidan, that we're moving out. And tell them to... strap themselves."

Kaidan sent the message as Joker heard the answer straight from the Alliance Docking Officer.

"We have a situation here; I need you to uncouple the Normandy immediately, I repeat: immediately. I'm by-passing move out of a dock routine and safety procedures under Spectre Authorization."

"No way I'm authorizing that!" Kaidan protested.

"Who gave the order to see the Quarians, uh Kaidan?" he answered him.

"Copy that Normandy, let me clear a path for you Flight Lieutenant"

"Negative." he said while moving the ship out of port; "I can handle it." he rotated his shoulders.

"Good luck Normandy. Control out"

Soon, certainly faster than Kaidan would had preferred, they we're out of the Citadel and heading for the Mass Relay.

"Jesus Joker!" Kaidan said gripping the arms rests; "Is it really necessary..."

He couldn't complete his sentence because another slide maneuver was throwing him off balance again.

"I'm not finished yet, I'm hitting that mother in T-minus 5 seconds. Far Rim coordinates engaged."

"I'm gonna be sick."

Joker grinned maliciously.

.

After arriving safely at the other side, Joker navigated the ship to their destination. The short span it took them to get there, gave Joker some time to ask Kaidan to ballpark their mission;

"So, what are we doing here?"

"I'm not even sure Joker, something about politics... She mainly wants us to get Tali on board."

"Makes sense."

"Then she went a little weird. She mentioned something about the AI " he corrected himself; " I mean; EDI's new mobile platform. Do you happen to know anything about that?"

"I do, and no comment" he said doing a 'lips zipped' gesture.

"That's not like you!" Kaidan said surprised; "Anyway... she looked good though."

"Good? I thought you haven't seen her yet." Joker said slightly distracted by the task of piloting the ship.

"Shepard. I meant."

Joker gave him another sideways glance.

"She looked a lot better than last time I saw her at the Hospital. She seemed more relaxed... Finally got to see her out of the uniform! Shame it wasn't a skirt but that's not her style. She won't wear one, no matter how many times you tell her how fabulous her legs are."

Kaidan paused for a second to consider his next words, then added; "She had this glow on her... maybe she's finally getting some sleep." he deducted.

After hearing him talk about her in that way, mischief got the best of Joker;

"Maybe she got laid!" he told Kaidan planting his tongue on his cheek.

"Wait! What? You wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?" Kaidan said without even trying to mask his shock.

Joker deflected the question; "We're here Kaidan. Chop, chop Major. We're minus a Commander and I'm not so sure, Anderson or Hackett would appreciate having the Normandy sitting out here without her on board."

"You're right! I better hurry this up. I'll go get ready. Contact Garrus and tell him to meet me at the Shuttle Bay ASAP."

"Already on it."

* * *

Shepard checked her omni-tool to confirm the time. She couldn't believe how fast it flew.

She was feeling a little deflated, after spending all day running errands for half the Citadel like a common gofer and all just for a handful of War Assets to show for.

_'Still no word from the Normandy'_ she thought turning her omni-tool off, as she headed to meet Aria and her last destination.

Making her way in the club her mood darkened, in tune with the atmosphere around her. The horrendously cheesy music offended her ears. All of her senses took her back to the last time she visited the place.

It wasn't until she experienced the site physically once again, that the feelings she repressed threatened to surface. Fragments of the conversation she had with Joker at the bar, popped in her head making her clench her jaw.

Perhaps it was that she was tired, but she had to do the conscious effort to remind herself; how an episode that started so dreadfully, actually culminated on the best night she ever had.

"Well, look who's here" the Asari said dryly.

"Good to see you too Aria, I trust you already know".

"I wouldn't had expected anything less from you Shepard. I knew I chose the right person to get the appropriate results. Now that The Blue Suns, Blood Pack, and Eclipse are in my pocket it's a matter of when, not if I'll get Omega back. The Illusive Man is about to find out what happens when you break the one, and only rule Omega has."

"That's a heartwarming story, but I believe our deal involved a little more than a congratulatory tit rubbing."

"Relax Shepard! I might be many things, to many people, but a deal breaker ain't one of those. You'll get the mercenaries when you need them, you just send the word."

"We'll keep in touch."

She made an attempt to get up. A waitress carrying two large bottles blocked her exit momentarily.

"Leaving so soon? I know you're a busy woman Shepard, but I thought you might agree to join me. " she signaled the waitress to leave her order at the table.

"For the first time in weeks I feel like celebrating, and quite honestly; I can't stand the sight of any of these losers in here, let alone share my expensive wine with any of them."

Shepard shrugged and sat back down again.

"You're in luck, I was heading off for a bite to kill some time. Might as well wait here, but I'll pass on the drink. Waking up gagged, in some mercenary torture chamber, is not my idea of celebration to be frank."

"And what would I gain from that?" she said at the same time she signaled a man standing not too far from them.

"You, human! Yes you. Drink this!" she handed him a glass.

"Yes ma'am!"

"All of it... good! Now go back to the bar, and bring me a clean glass. Then park your ass over there, where we both can see you."

"Do you know that guy?" Shepard asked her while she observed the man rushing off to the bar.

"No" Aria answered indifferently; " but everybody here know me, and know better than to contradict me."

Shepard laughed as the man soon returned with the glass Aria requested, almost tripping over himself on the steps.

"There Shepard!" she said pointing in his direction with her hand; "If that guy falls flat on his face, you'll have enough of a warning to leave before the same happens to you. But I can assure you that all you'll see; is just him standing there. Probably playing with his dick thinking that two of the most influential women on this side of the galaxy have taken a shine to him."

Aria handed her a glass.

Shepard chuckled raising her glass; "To Omega or... to that guy and his dick? I can't decided which one is more toast worthy."

"I was going for Omega, but if that dick managed to put a smile on stoic Shepard's lips... I believe I can make an exception."

They both raised their glasses. While sampling Aria's fancy wine, the Asari caught a glimmer on Shepard's eyes that spiked her curiosity.

"So! Shepard. At some point in our conversation, I was planning to remind you to get yourself that nice man to keep you warm I've recommended you before, but seeing you so radiant... makes me think you've already found him."

Shepard didn't answer her but her widening smile betrayed her.

"Nice to know you're finally relieving some tension." she said nodding.

Then quickly added snapping her head away; "That shit ain't healthy"

"No, it isn't."

"He must be something else to bring the color back to your cheeks like that..."

Shepard's omni-tool blipped. It was a message from him;

- Your ride is back. Tali is with us and she's not the only one looking forward to see you. I give you 3 guesses: a) Joker b) Joker c) Joker.

Oh, there's also: d) some stray Quarian Admiral she couldn't help but drag along with us -

She turned off her omni-tool as she told Aria; "The best there is." she said imitating the smug tone he uses when he brags about himself.

She finished her glass and got up; "I need to go."

"Of course you do Shepard." she told her, sounding surprisingly understanding.


	8. Chapter 8

Joker was tapping the console impatiently, waiting for her response. As ludicrous as it was; he was worried sick they left her alone at the Citadel for so many hours.

He did have his reasons to be concerned though.

He learned that lesson pretty well after the Bahak incident; the time when he barely managed to make it to her, and pull her out of a flaming asteroid in a collision course with a Mass Relay with little else but a few seconds to spare.

There was only one other time he felt worse than that day...

He swore he would never let her go on her own like that again. Yet; there he was...

Cortez's voice made him jump;

"Joker! My man! Have a window on that busy schedule of yours? Up for that game of checkers we mentioned?" Steve asked him over the intercom.

"Yeah... sure Steve, just give me a second. EDI?"

"The Commander's vitals are all within normal parameters, and regarding your question about her current location," she tapped her console; "She's just boarded the elevator."

Joker let out a long breath of relief.

"I'm glad I overheard that Joker," Steve said; "I worry about her too. But now, we can all relax, until she decides to throw us another curb ball that is... Better make the best of it while it lasts. Meet you at the Lounge?"

"Yeah Steve, I'm on my way, but only a quick game though. I'm definitely having an early night tonight."

* * *

Joker entered the Crew Lounge, and found Steve set up and ready at the table with board and drinks. He was surprised to find Tali drinking at the bar, out of a straw of all things, making the scene even more peculiar than it already was.

"You've found the ship's bar soon enough Tali, I didn't know you drink!?"

"You listen to me funny man;" she said slurring her words; "I've been busting my behind, fulfilling my duties, for my people and this is the first time in weeks, that I get to spend some time on myself!"

"Alright!" Joker said lifting up his arms up in a surrender posture; "It's nice to see you letting your hair down. Provided, you do have hair under that..." he said sitting at the table with Steve.

"Wouldn't you like to know that... Mr. Moreau." she retorted, narrowing her eyes at him behind her purple mask.

Joker looked at Steve, and told him pointing a thumb in her direction; "She's not wrong!"

The two men spent the next few minutes exchanging platitudes while playing their game, occasionally getting interrupted by Tali humming random musical tunes in the background, making them both chuckle each time they heard her.

Steve thought of turning the conversation to a slightly more personal note, and decided; for the kicks of it, to snoop a little around Joker's affairs...

"So Joker! Is a good looking guy like yourself taken?"

"Are you hitting on me Steve?" he asked, squinting at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm mostly being nosy, but I wouldn't kick you out of bed if that's what you're asking..." Steve shrugged.

"Can't say I blame you. Who wouldn't want to get all over this?" he said jokingly, sliding his hands suggestively over his torso, making Steve laugh, and Tali snort.

"I'm flattered ...unsurprised; naturally! But flattered."

Steve laugh grew louder.

"You're not so bad yourself Cortez. It's a shame I don't swing that way, but if I did; I'd totally bang you!"

While Steve was positively chuckling, Tali spoke over the other side of the room;

"That is a shame!" she said giggling.

"What was that?" Joker said putting one finger behind his ear; "Over hearing other people's conversations, Tali?" he waved a finger at her disapprovingly.

"Two sexy guys discussing about..." she said between chuckles and hiccups; " banging. And you expect a girl not to stop and listen?"

Her attention immediately returned to her drunk, private, little world; "Banging! You humans are funny. Oh Bosh'tet! This straw is a tricky little thing, is not long enough, and it keeps slipping out of my mouth! Argh!"

Joker laughed at Tail's unintended joke, watched by Steve through teary eyes.

"Seems size's an issue for Quarians too!" Joker said to him, then added shrugging; "Who knew?"

"My ribs!" Steve complained.

Shepard entered the room accompanied by Traynor; "It appears the boys beat us to the table, Commander."

Joker looked up at her. Both their faces brightened up at the sight of each other, then Shepard's sight turned to Steve that was at the time, wiping a tear of his eye.

"What's been going on here?" she asked bemused; "Too many credits lost already, or just your pride Steve?"

Joker answered her; "We didn't get to that yet, I'll kick his ass soon enough though."

Then Shepard heard Tali's voice from behind;

"Is that before, or after you bang it?" she asked him.

Steve burst out laughing again. Shepard's eyes grew large.

Joker retorted unfazed; "If, and would! You skipped that part."

"Commander Shepard!" Tali exclaimed with a raised arm.

Shepard spun around to face her as she continued; "Savior of the Citadel! First Human... something, something..."

"Good to see you enjoying yourself Tali!" she told her getting closer for an affectionate hug.

"I'll definitely have what she's having." Samantha said approaching the bar.

That's when they all heard heavy steps from someone rushing up to the Lounge.

"Shepard!" Liara said brusquely once inside the room.

Joker face-palmed, while Shepard turned around slowly, to face her. Everyone else had an invisible question mark on their faces.

_'Aah shit. This is no good.'_ Joker thought.

"What do you want Liara?" Shepard asked her with a hint of resignation in her tone.

"What do I want!? I'm sure you know what I want by now." the Asari snapped at her.

Shepard rolled her eyes biting her tongue, to repress all the double meaning retorts that popped in her head.

"I've sent you several messages, I've even asked Garrus to go, and talk to you. And you still haven't come back to me! Obviously; you had enough spare time to run around the Citadel on your own, and worry everybody on this ship in the process. So, why are you avoiding me? I thought we were close, can you tell me what the hell is your problem?" she sounded more like scorned lover, than a concerned friend.

Not one person in the Lounge could believe what they were hearing.

The whole scene, as much as Liara's behavior, were completely out of kilt. Yet because of her impressive credentials, they all thought that perhaps, she had her reasons.

Everyone but Shepard that is, who's short fuse was reaching melt-down point rather rapidly;

"You really want to know what the problem is?" she stepped closer to Liara to look at her in the eye; "You sure?" she gave her one last chance to change her mind.

"Please." Liara said with a softer tone.

_'Oh dear, this ain't gonna be pretty.'_ Joker thought recognizing Shepard's pissed off tone, he was cringing on Liara's behalf.

The rest were transfixed on the two women. Wanting to, but unable to look away. Like witnessing a slow motion traffic accident.

"You don't understand the meaning of the word _'no'_, do you?" Shepard said in one last attempt to let her go without embarrassment.

"I don't think I'm following you Shepard, is there anything you asked me to do that I haven't carried out to your satisfaction?" the Asari asked innocently.

_'Oh Liara... Run woman. Run!'_ Joker thought closing his eyes tightly, and shaking his head.

"Oh, stop acting like you don't know, will ya! You've been testing your luck to bed me since the first day I've met you, and it doesn't matter what I say... or how I say it to make you back off; you simply choose not to listen!"

"Well, Shepard... You're a very enthralling woman, you can't blame me for trying." she said demurely, yet somewhat flirty.

"Jeez!" Shepard said looking up; "And there you go again!" she pointed at her with both hands; "Trying, you said? Once? Ok. Twice? Maybe, but I lost count how many times you did it. Alright! Let me see how I can put this delicately..." she said tapping her forehead with her fingers.

"I like cock!" she finally exclaimed.

Tali let out a snort followed by muffled chuckles.

Joker's eyes grew large; _'Nope! Once again I was wrong; this is beautiful...'_ he though while Steve did a single nod at him with a silent _'Man!'_ on his lips. He returned the gesture, by nodding at him back grinning from ear to ear.

Liara took her hand to her mouth in shock.

"Yup. That's right." Shepard nodded; "The bigger the better. Lucky for me, " she shrugged; " the guy I'm seeing is anything but short in that department but I digress... "

Joker snapped his head in Shepard's direction, staggered by her remark.

"The point is that you " she pointed at Liara; " don't have one! So you're left with only two choices now; you either find a way to grow one and try your luck again... or you do the smart thing and quit pestering me! What is it gonna be, I wonder?" she finished sarcastically.

Liara turned around, and ran out of the Lounge.

Tali shrugged; "She had it coming. She's been doing that to Shep for years, " she said to Samantha; " I don't know where she found the patience to put up with it for so long."

Shepard took a deep breath to calm herself down; "I'm sorry you all had to see that!"

"Don't be, Commander." Steve said, reassuring her.

Shepard turned to Samantha; "And please, no offense meant to you on anything I just said."

"Non taken Commander. You don't need to apologize for your... preferences, nor for setting the record straight for that matter. In fact, that's one of the reasons I'm so glad I've been assigned to your command. You're not afraid to give anybody a piece of your mind when it counts. A refreshing breath of air compared to other senior officers I've served with in the past."

"Thanks Traynor, the feeling is mutual."

Tali got closer to Shepard and said; "So Shep... Are you gonna tell us about this... apparently, perfectly formed guy of yours?"

Samantha took that opportunity to give them some privacy, and walked to towards Steve and Joker with a drink in hand.

Shepard leaned on the bar, resting her forearms on its surface then, after considering Tali's question for a couple of seconds she let her head drop between her arms.

"Oh come on Shepard, don't be like that! We've been friends for how long now? Do you know how happy I am for you? Alright... maybe a little jealous..." she soon corrected herself; "But good-type of jealous." she said leaning backwards against the bar.

Shepard lifted her head to look at her; "Is there a good type of jealous, Tali?" she teased her.

"Sure there is! There's bad jealous; mean, envy type, and then there's the good... healthy, jealous kind. When you just wish something nice that's happened to someone else, happens to you too, but without taking anything away from the person you're good-jealous about."

Shepard agreed; "That's rather insightful, actually."

"So? Spill it Shepard! How is he? You don't need to tell me who he is, or any specifics..."

"Alright! Or... you won't quit it until I give in!"

"I have _**aaall**_ night Shepard." she shook her had at her.

Shepard looked up, and resigned she started to recite his qualities. Quickly at first, but her voice slowed down as she began to think deeper into it;

"He's talented, smart, and... impossibly funny! Frustrating at times, but so exciting all the same. He has this aura about him that I wish I could describe better. Just seeing him, or even only hear him talk seems to have the power to change my mood." she paused, immersed in her thoughts for a brief moment, then added;

"Oh, and he's way too cocky!" she announced with a lifted finger.

"Yeah, I believe you already mentioned that Shep."

It took Shepard a fraction of a second to understand what Tali meant, but when she did she started to laugh heartily, infecting Tali in the process.

Once their chuckles subsided, Tali said;

"Aah" she sighed; "I'm glad for you Shep. At least one of us is getting some. It's been a long time since last time I've been..." she stopped herself; "Well, you know..." she whispered.

"I know the feeling Tali. Believe me!" she said widening her eyes; "Last time I had one of those..." she winked at Tali; "well you know what, it's been years ago, and with you already know who."

Kaidan entered the room.

Tali nodded; "You're right that is long! And speaking of the devil, Shep."

Kaidan looked around and said; "I can see that you're all having fun here, but I'll tell you guys what's missing. Some atmospheric music."

He shuffled through the list on the player, then settled for something with a slow rhythm.

He walked to Shepard, and extending his hand at her asked her;

"May I have this piece with you ma'am?"

"Oh come on Kaidan, you know I can't dance! Are you trying to embarrass me, or you just wanna ruin the night for these fine people, watching me spasm around the room?" she mimed the action.

"Not at all Shepard, that's why I choose this one. Anybody can slow dance." Kaidan said with a seductive smile.

Third time that day that Joker gives him a sideways glance.

"You would think!" she told him laughing.

"You seriously need to learn how to relax! There's nothing better for that than shaking it to music for a little while..."

Shepard's mind went back to what Joker told her at the Purgatory; how the people at the dance floor were trying to dance their fears away...

Kaidan continued; "And I got you Tali, haven't I? Just as you asked. I think I've earned this one." he finished confident.

Unable to retort, Shepard gave in. He grabbed her hand gently, and guided her to the center of the room.

Standing in front of him, she wasn't quite sure where to put her hands;

"I don't even know how this is done Kaidan!" she complained.

"You put this hand here " he placed her hand on his left shoulder; " and with this one, you grab my hand, like this." he showed her.

"Now all you have to do is listen to the rhythm, and swing gently to it. Just follow what I do."

"Alright..." she shrugged; " but don't complain if I step on you."

_'I'll step on something in a minute.'_ Joker thought while picturing his foot on Kaidan's neck.

Shepard followed his instructions at the same time she looked down intently at her feet, giving Kaidan a wide berth. Stiffly moving with the music, not one step in time with the beat.

Kaidan was doing his best to try to make her relax and follow his steps. But it wasn't quite working no matter how firmly he tried to softly steer her into the swing.

As much as Joker knew that the scene of them so close together might just make him go mad, he just couldn't help but to look in their direction. Bracing himself, so he did.

Instead, the visual image of them dancing awkwardly, specially Shepard, made his raising ill temper, vanish. He couldn't decide which one of the two to feel more sorry for.

"Would you look at that?" he told Steve.

Steve let out a chuckle; "Yup, they ain't winning any dancing competitions any time soon..."

"You've got that straight!"

Joker took his index finger to his lips, and paused for a moment as if he was machinating something.

"Don't cheat Steve." he said getting up; "I'll remember where my pieces are."

He walked to the dancing couple.

He tapped Kaidan's shoulder; "You call that dancing?" he asked him with a raised eyebrow, and his hands tucked under his armpits.

Kaidan turned his head around; "I know how it looks, but we're just warming up."

"Yeah, I don't think so. Move over Major, and learn."

Kaidan let Shepard go.

"If you think you can do better, Joker." Kaidan said teasing him, unconvinced that he could, while stepping to one side.

Shepard had a smirk on her lips. The prospect of continuing dancing was torture for her, but since it meant having Joker closer, she conceded, glad to the exchange of dancing partner.

Her hand went automatically to his shoulder, like a moth to the flame. She had to suppress the urge to caress the soft hairs at the back of his neck.

"Oh, I don't think so," Joker said to Kaidan, then he added looking at her in the eyes; "I know so."

"Can you seriously dance, Joker?" she asked him.

"Only since recently, nothing too lively either." he answered her breezily, playing down how good he actually got at it.

Their bodies where a lot closer than when she was dancing with Kaidan. Shepard was certainly more at ease with him by her side.

Joker's hand was on the small of her back, while Shepard's hand rested intimately on his chest plate. Their hips were occasionally brushing against each other as they softly swayed to the music. They were, for all intents and purposes; dancing, even if that wasn't exactly what they were thinking about at the time.

"Would you look at that!" Kaidan told Steve as he sat at the table.

"Not bad. A man of many talents that Joker is."

"You don't say!" Kaidan said in amazement.

Tali interrupted her small talk with Samantha when she noticed Shepard's dance partner, Kaidan, transformed into Joker.

She had to do a double take, because for a moment she thought the alcohol was making her see things. Granted, that at times she was seeing four of them.

Her female intuition told her something, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Samantha attempted to resume their conversation but Tali stopped her with a wave of her hand.

_'Aw, don't they look cute together?'_ Tali thought.

_'Wait a minute!_' she tried to focus her sight on Shepard, which in turn, was fixed on Joker. She was glowing in a way that Tali haven't seen before on her.

_'What did she said to me?'_ she recounted the mystery guy's characteristics; _'Smart'_ her sight went to Joker; _'Funny, cocky...'_

She didn't have to finish the thought, she just knew!

The song finished, and the dancing couple stepped back from each other, suddenly aware of how cozy they've allowed themselves to get.

"You see Kaidan?" Joker said, attempting to distract the prying eyes fixed on them; "Now, that's dancing!"

He did an old fashion bow to Shepard for theatrics, before moving back to the table;

"That's my spot." he told Kaidan crossing his arms.

Shepard wanted to tell him so many things, but she knew she couldn't say any of them, certainly not in front of everybody anyways.

Kaidan returned the seat to Joker, and said to Shepard;

"You seemed to get it there, wanna try again?" he offered.

"No Kaidan, just the one " she looked at Joker; " is enough for me. And I'm a little tired, I've been walking around all day."

"Good call Shepard, you need your rest." Kaidan told her.

She nodded at him thinking about many things, non of them involved resting.

"So, I should be..." she pointed at the door.

"By all means."

She addressed the room; "Have a good one people, this body is off to.." she made eye contact with Joker; "bed."

* * *

Shepard was laying down, resting on her back with one leg bent, and the other one dangling at the feet of the bed.

After the shower she had, she decided to wind down in just a pair of shorts and an old T-shirt she found at the bottom of the drawer. She was reading the summaries of the missions they've completed, and was also brushing over the intel for the next ones.

Trying to focus on the words, but unable to, she heard the beeping of the door. She knew exactly who it was...

"Yeah..?" she said with a smile unconsciously forming on her lips.

Joker answered via the intercom; "Yeah...I believe I've been told I owe you something?"

Her smile grew wider; "It's open."

She raised off the bed to rest her weight on her elbows, expectant to see him.

The doors opened revealing Joker leaning on one arm against the door frame while his other arm carried his uniform top. He was wearing nothing from the waist up.

He pushed himself away from the door frame saying; "I still don't get how this " he waved his hand over his chest; " is supposed to make up for what you did for me this morning."

She observed him entering the room. In her mind everything about him was unbelievably sexy, even his slight limp. Having him advancing towards her shirtless was just pure indulgence.

"I'll be the judge of that." she answered him.

She tossed the pad she was reading aside, sat on the bed and said; "I've got two questions for you."

Then she got up to close the distance between them as he walked down the steps.

"Uh-huh, what's that?" he replied throwing his uniform-top and cap on the couch.

"How come you can make even walking with a limp so sexy?"

He was about to answer her but she stopped him; "And! When the hell did you get this ripped?" she said pressing his biceps, then moving in to caress his chest.

"The sexy thing? Well.. that's just a gift." he answered her cockily.

She was mesmerized by the statuesque figure in front of her; "Hmm, very... very nice" she purred.

"Now this" he stretched his arms in front of him; "I'd love to tell you they're inborn but the truth is that it was hard work. A really slow process at first, and a pain in the ass! A physiotherapist suggested it to me years ago, I didn't really pay attention to it then. It wasn't until after Cerberus reinforced my bones and Karin insisted that I work out... "

His mind drifted back to that time while Shepard admired the results of his efforts.

"She explained in better detail; how a stronger muscle mass would help to support and protect my weak-ass bones. She nagged the shit out of me." he said with a soft smile then continued;

"Cerberus' procedure wasn't as successful as they've hoped..." he told her in slightly more somber tone.

"But it did give me a hell of a lot more mobility. It allowed me to work out safely, I don't need to wear those hideous braces anymore and I can even dance now!" he finished purposely on a higher note realizing his monologue turned into a bit of a downer.

Shepard's hands might had been busy exploring his muscles, but her ears were attentive enough to detect the change in his voice. She cupped his chin with her hand.

"Get over here." she said leading him by the hand, then making him sit down on the bed.

"There's a couple of things I wanna say to you."

She crouched between his knees.

"Sure." he answered casually, leaning back on the bed, resting his weight on his stretched arms.

She grabbed his thighs to catch his attention;

"This is important."

He nodded, getting serious, if slightly worried.

"No, not like that!" she said noticing his change in demeanor.

"It's important, yes! But I don't wanna turn this into a drama. I just wanna get it done, quick. You ready?"

"Yes!" he said nodding. Understanding the rules now, he rubbed his hands.

"I just want you to know that I don't care about your condition and it's not as if I don't _'care-care'_ about it, because I do, and I'll do anything on my power to help you out, but! It never enters my mind when it comes down to my perception of you, and who you are. It never did in the past, I can't imagine why that'd change now."

"Right." he agreed.

"And don't you ever go insecure on me about that because I'll snap your shins just to make a point."

"I love it when you get all touchy-feely with me." he said lifting his shoulders.

"And that's it! Oh!" she touched her forehead remembering something she forgot to mention;

" and if you ever need anything" she looked right in his eyes before repeating; "Anything! Just ask. That's all you have to do. Now; that's it. I'm done." she said dropping her head, relieved that she got that off her chest.

He was touched by her gesture. He noticed her nervousness and by the sound of her clumsy speech, he knew how hard it was for her to tell him that.

He knew it was difficult for her because of the way he bit her head off the first time they spoke about his condition when they first met.

He reached out for her chin and lifted her head up using his finger.

"Now you're gonna listen to me." he said dead seriously.

He paused for a brief moment then continued;

"The day you've got spaced..."

"Joker... I said I didn't want to..." she complained.

He ignored her and continued; "A piece of me went with you. A piece that I didn't get back until I've got to see you again at that Cerberus lab. And at the time, I honestly thought that would remain the happiest day of my life, for the rest of my life. That was until yesterday proved me wrong." he shook his head with a soft frown before finishing; "I have to be like; the biggest asshole in the universe, to let something like this fucking disease to get in the way of that."

They both stayed silent, looking at each other intently. Battling the suppressed feelings that in one simple, single move he just unchained in both of them.

After a few intense seconds he spoke again;

"Right!" he said cutting through the thick atmosphere; "And now that we understand each other." she nodded at him.

"And since I can ask for anything I want..." his tone went back up to his 'Joker' higher pitch.

He got up and led her to the spot where they were standing before she sat him down;

"You're gonna be a good girl and go back to tell me all those nice things you were saying about my chest." he finished with a smirk.

She reached out to him and kissed him.

They were too headstrong to permit something as dull as tears to cheapen the moment. Instead, they just let their tongues to do all the talking that actual talking, couldn't had possibly lived up to.

When their lips eventually parted, she said kissing him down his neck;

"Buffed"

"Uh?" he asked, amusingly baffled.

She continued; "Toned," in between kisses to his chest. He looked up with a smile in realization of what she meant.

"Firm, yet so soft..." she reached the center of his pectorals; "And this tiny hair patch, is just..." she mumbled something as she played with them like she imagined she would.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that" he pressed her.

She repeated the same unintelligible mumble.

"Yup, that's what I thought you said." he said between chuckles.

She stopped what she was doing and straightened herself up.

Grabbing his arms she told him; "I need to get Karin a crate full of reserves!"

"Thanks for the heads up, but how did we get from your lips on my pecs to... what I can only assume it's Karin's shopping list!?" he asked confused.

"She's the one that convinced you to work out. That woman is a freaking genius." she said as she melted into the spans of skin and muscle in front of her.

"Alright... but I'm the one that did all those boring press ups. All the; lifting the heavy thing " he mimed the action, purposely tensing his arms at her to show them off.

"Put the heavy thing back down again, " her eyes sparkled, observing him as she bit her lip; " lifted up again, you know. And what do I get for that?"

She shook her head at him with a smile.

"Whatever the gorgeous man in front of me wants."

He looked at her with a crooked smile and a lifted eyebrow.

He then took her by the shoulders and gently backed her up against the nearest wall. He went down on his knees and pulled her shorts down, slipping one of the shorts' legs from under her foot.

He took her thigh and flung it over his shoulder. Then grabbed her ass with both hands and pulled her to him, bringing her crotch to his mouth.

Shepard released an involuntary sigh when her most intimate skin made contact with his parted lips. She reached down to his head and softly run her fingers along his short hair. Spreading them, feeling then brush silkily against her digits, as she draw figures on his head.

She felt his tongue coming out to play, all the time cocooned by his lips, shape shifting into the perfect negative mold for her most sensitive lady bits that were already aroused and wet by the excitement of shamelessly groping him earlier.

He started to french kiss her down below; exploring, massaging, stroking, brushing... he was just as good at it as when he kissed her on her other lips. Ridiculously good.

Shepard gently moved her hips at him, instinctively following his rhythm, intensifying the sensations he provoked in her. Quickly, it all became too much for her;

"You really need to stop that."

He ignored her and instead he gripped her ass more firmly, pressing her closer to his face.

She felt an intense wave of pleasure surging from her clit, making her hiss.

"I'm so not joking."

Yet another uncontrollable wave traveled her. She buckled, attempting to retreat her hips backwards but was unable to escape his mouth, prevented by the wall behind her.

She moved her hip sideways instead and immediately placed her hand on her crotch, pressing down on it to repress the climax that was about to overcome her.

She took a deep breath to regain control of herself, then bent down to his level to kiss him. His beard was soaked of her, she tasted herself on his lips.

She got up to lead him to the bed, just like she's done it moments before, but this time it was for very different reasons.

She knelt down to undo the fasts of his boots, while doing so, her eyes traveled to his groin where she saw his engorged dick, trapped under his pants curling to one side, over and around his upper thigh.

He leaned back on the bed, resting on his extended arms to observe her while biting his lip.

She looked up at him. His pose made all his best features stand out even more; his thighs, one of them graced by his evident excitement, his belly button just about peeking out from under his belt, the abdominal muscles gently tensing and relaxing with his breath, and the best of his assets; those heavenly green eyes looking at her with unveiled hunger.

After freeing him from his footwear, she then moved her hands to work on the clamps on his belt.

Getting a little impatient he helped her, unhooking the clamps in one go. She took her fingers to the loosened waist pulling both; pants and boxers down and off.

She started to climb on the bed while alternatively kissing and licking his leg on the way up on one continuous upwards move. Somewhere along his thigh, her tongue brushed against the wet head of his cock, that at her touch it twitched, flipping itself to the other side caressing her neck in the process.

She continued her way up him; going past his navel, his stomach, his pec, one nipple... by the time she reached his neck she straddled him and in one single move she took her top off breaking oral contact with his skin for a brief moment.

He grabbed his cock and lifted it. He stroked her entrance with it, offering it to her. She gladly accepted his invitation by maneuvering her hips, aiming herself to the right angle for his tip. She slid herself down on his length not stopping until her pubic bone met his.

After a couple of circular motions, she started to retrieve back up his shaft and slid back down again, reiterating the repetitive motion a few times more.

She saw him close his eyes while arching his neck backwards, with his mouth open in a silent moan. He then looked up again and down to where their bodies met.

She continued her motions, followed by the gentle thrusts of his hips. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her butt;

"Show me how you like it, teach me Jeff." she said brushing her lips on his open mouth.

He let a moan out at the sound of her voice and what she told him.

He grabbed her ass with both hands and did exactly what she asked. He guided her, showing her the pace he craved, that to her surprise, it wasn't as energetic as she was expecting it to be. Yes, it involved a relatively fast up and down, but when their pubic bones met, he rubbed her on him in a circular motion, then up again and all the time he was moving along with her.

Shepard still couldn't believe how someone that suffered from physical limitations for so long, could be such a natural in bed, so smooth and sensual.

It was at that moment that she had a spontaneous flash back of him in action; doing his job skillfully, with his hands moving like that of a musician or a painter. Other short flash backs followed; like the many times he talked to her, always accompanying his words with expressive, dexterous movements.

_'It was always there, wasn't it?'_ she thought; _'Right in front of me.'_

A soft sound from Joker brought her back to the wonderful present. Between heavy breaths he told her;

"I'm gonna cum babe..."

Hastily, he grabbed her hips and lifted her away from him. She sympathetically complied and observed him close his eyes tightly, panting heavily.

After giving himself a few seconds to regain control, he opened them back up and told her; "I'm so not done with you yet."

He maneuvered her on her back and got on top of her. He penetrated her in one go.

He held his body on his stretched arms and concentrated his movements on his hips, repeating the feat of the previous night, only more vigorously.

The fact that this time there wasn't any alcohol to dim her senses, it made his ministrations all the more acute to Shepard. She started to realize that being under him was rapidly becoming her favorite place to be.

Her eyes traveled his chest and then down to where the action was happening. Just like before, when he was eating her out, the climax worked its way through her, only this time there was no stopping it. And then it happened, that moment when time freezes for a split second along with her motions.

"Baby." she told him with the first wave and the second made her dug her nails up and along his arm.

He switched to his cum inducing pace, aided by her contracting walls, he came right while she was still in the middle of hers.

He let out a groan and dropped to his elbows. She wrapped her arms around him to pull him closer her.

After giving themselves a moment to come back from their high, she reached out to his neck, kissing the nook between his jaw and his ear. He responded by pressing his head against her lips.

She tenderly grabbed his face and made him look at her;

"Just when I though this couldn't get any better... it does." she said.

He let out a short chuckle releasing with it the last bit of tension in him, or perhaps the breath he's been holding;

"Tell me something I don't know!" he teased her.

She smiled; "Alright. How about this..." she said, wiggling under him and sliding her hands down his back to grab his ass; "I think I'm going crazy about you Mr. Moreau."

He felt his heart skipping a beat, of all the things she could had said; he wasn't expecting that.

He leaned his head closer to hers and pressed his lips on hers; "Then; that makes two of us."

And he kissed her.


End file.
